Top 5 Organization Tips from Your Hot Mess Friend

If you are O.C.D. or super organized, just skip this post. It’s not for you. Or better yet…forward it to that person in your life who drives you absolutely bonkers with their ability to live in clutter.

I am that hot mess friend. Well…at least I was. I have gotten so much better. I am never going to be the person who can maintain a color-coded calendar, even though I have tried several times. Shopping for the cute pens and pretty journal is so much fun, but keeping up with it just isn’t happening.

Over the last few years I have managed to go from functional chaos (with many things still slipping through the cracks) to actually living a mostly organized lifestyle. I know where all my things are, and there is a system to everything in my life. I can actually have company drop in unannounced and not be embarrassed by the state of my home.

Just like I teach in my twelve week course, Create Peace, everything changes when you change one small habit at a time. As Tom Ziglar says, “the fastest way to success is to replace bad habits with good habits.” Here are the top 5 habits I have created over the last 5 years that have brought so much peace into my life:

1. Everything has ONE place to belong

Previously, things just landed somewhere. There was a little rhyme and reason, but scissors could be in one of three places. Which means, when I needed a pair I was wandering around the house to any of their potential homes. I would regularly lose 15-20 minutes per day looking for my car keys. They were always wherever I happened to set them down the last time I came home.

In 2015 I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and learned that all items should only have one place to belong. Now we have a key rack installed on the first wall you see when you come in, and that is the only place all keys are kept. There is only one drawer where all scissors belong. And so forth. There is no more searching. Either something was put back where it belongs or it’s lost. There aren’t other options for where it could be kept.

2. Get Rid of Stuff

I have both Marie Kondo and The Minimalists to thank for this one. With tips from both of them, I learned how to let go of things that just don’t need a place in our home. I’ll share my favorite nugget from each author.

From Marie I learned to ask if the item brings me joy. It sounds silly asking if a three-year-old juicer brought me joy, but the reality was every time I looked at it, I felt stress. It was so much work to clean after I used it, so I always used the Ninja since it’s so simple. Therefore, the juicer had to go. It added guilt (for lack of use) and stress (for the intense cleaning) in my life. I gave it to a friend.

From the Minimalists, I learned how to let go of items I only kept for sentimental value. They have an awesome challenge where they encourage people to box up their whole house like they are moving, and then only take out things as they use them. The average person only uses 20% of what they own in a 30 day period. I realized so many unused items were taking up space. We were just going to keep them in a box and then move those boxes from room to room and home to home. So I have looked for ways to digitize the memory or give it away to someone. If it doesn’t add value in my life, then I don’t need to hang on to it.

It’s a WHOLE lot easier to keep a clean house when there is simply less stuff in it.

3. Cube Shelves and Bins

If you have been to our home then you know cubes are everywhere. Nearly every room in our home has cube shelves and bins in them. Our home feels much cleaner without clutter on display. Very few items actually sit out. Almost everything is tucked behind a cabinet, drawer or storage bin. It takes little effort to put things away, and keeps the home feeling organized.

4. The habit of never making the mess to begin with

As an Enneagram 7 this one is SO HARD FOR ME. We like to move on quickly to the next thing. But, I choose to feel the very uncomfortable emotion of following something through to the end and cleaning up a mess before I go to the next thing.

Can you hear the pain in my words? This is SO HARD guys. We sevens like to do a thing, check the box and move on to the next exciting thing. Little details at the end are THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

Acknowledging this is just my brain, and not actually something that’s serving me, helps me to put the cap back on the toothpaste and put the toothpaste back where it belongs before exiting the bathroom. It forces me to hang back up the sweater I decided against instead of throwing it on the bed so I can more quickly try on the next item. The easiest way to keep my house clean is to avoid leaving a trail behind me.

5. Being Home More

Previously, I would keep a robust calendar and allow it to get filled to the brim. I couldn’t understand why my house stayed so messy, but the problem was I was never home. Now, we heavily prioritize being home.

During the week, we each try to be home in the evenings. It’s highly unusual that one of us is gone more than one weeknight each. It happens occasionally, but it always creates stress.

It’s rare to do something on a Sunday. Sundays are when we catch up the laundry, grocery shop, meal prep, make sure all the bedrooms are cleaned, etc. By the time the kids are in bed at 7:30pm on a Sunday night, my husband and I like to sit down to a fully organized, clean home and listen to the knock-off brand Roomba do its thing while Alexa plays jazz music. Yes, we actually do that. We have become old fuddy duddies who spend our evenings listening to jazz music in a quiet, clean house. And it brings us immense joy.


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The Day I’ve Been Waiting For…

Guys…you don’t even understand. This announcement has been years in the making. I’m talking YEARS!!!!!! I’ll tell you where this is all going and you can decide if you want to hear the dirty details of the “messy middle” it took to get to today.

The BIG ANNOUNCEMENT is that I have OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED my 12 week course! The cart is open for enrollment and it will close at 10pm on Memorial Day, Monday, May 25. Keep reading below to hear the story of how I birthed this over the last decade of my life. If you want to jump to the details about the course, all of those are on my site at:

Answers to all the questions you have about the course

Does anyone else here have a side hobby of listening to entrepreneur success stories? Is that just me? Whether it’s by book or podcast, I cannot get enough of hearing the stories of others’ journeys from absolutely nothing to major impact.

I think the reason I love hearing them is that I am always encouraged by the messy middle. I’ve noticed a repeat pattern and it usually goes something like this:

Idea is birthed with passion and excitement.

Passionate entrepreneur eagerly begins their path and hits a road block.

Road block leads to a dead end.

So they pivot,

which leads to a mistake.

Then, they find just enough hope to keep them going.

They suddenly take three steps backward.

The lessons learned lead to major breakthroughs back to back to back. WOOT!

They feel some whiplash.

They recover stronger than before and end up accomplishing a different goal than they originally started with but are totally loving.

———-

When I heard this pattern repeat over and over again in story after story, I strangely felt encouraged that I was hitting roadblocks, having to pivot, taking steps backward and barely clinging to my ray of hope.

My story begins in 2011 when I discovered that my purpose in life was to help others grow. (Side note: Comment below if you think I should teach a mini-course on the exercise I used to discover that). I knew I had to find a way to create a business in the personal development space. I could see myself blogging, speaking and coaching. But I wasn’t sure what about. Or to who. Or why I was qualified to teach it.

So I started dabbling. I bought my website domain and WordPress template in 2012. I have built and rebuilt this site so many times as I tried to figure out what the brand would be. What kind of coach? What niche audience? Who even cares about what I have to say? Why am I qualified to guide others?

It felt like I was growing a baby in my womb, but my mama instincts knew it wasn’t time to go into labor. So I just focused on the nursery and buying items that I may never need, taking care of myself, and devouring books, blogs and podcasts from parents, knowing one day I would be one.

Between 2011-2017 I made so many mistakes. We started and shut down two different businesses. We experienced financial success and financial devastation. I experienced poor health (fatigue, brain fog, weight gain, etc) to health highs (energy, clarity, finally hitting a healthy BMI). We had our first child and morphed into brand new people. The roller coaster finally started to settle in 2017, and I announced my brand launch of sophiahyde.com, only to find out I was pregnant days later and had to put it all on the back-burner again.

Through those rough several years I not only experienced obstacles, but also figured out how to overcome them. I not only experienced failure, but how to rise from it like the Phoenix. Those years I spent feeling shame…healing from it spurred me into extreme self confidence. That messy middle prepared me for today. Those struggles are why I feel perfectly qualified to guide others from where they are now to where they want to be. Ironically…I’m most grateful for the hardest days.

And then a contraction. Everything was different this time. Time to get ready. That’s how this past fall felt to me.

I said to my husband in August 2019, it’s time for me to sign up for coach training. With his support I started researching schools. I created a detailed Excel spreadsheet cross-comparing every detail I was looking for in a school and not one checked all the boxes. I knew it was time to commit, I just had no clarity on where.

Then one day I was listening to the Ziglar podcast and heard they launched a new coaching program that sounded exactly like the material I wanted to teach. I filled out a contact form to learn more and scheduled a call. They were interviewing for the first 20 coaches qualified to teach the program. I had nothing to lose so met with them.

It was divine intervention. We could both feel the electricity of how perfectly in alignment I was with the course. It was a moment I will never forget. Back to the birthing analogy, the contractions were so intense I knew it was time to go to the hospital (or in my case, call the midwife, you can read my actual home birth story here). I took the leap of faith.

My plan had been to start a program in January but this started mid-October and ran through December. My peak busy season, personally and professionally. For those of you who are spiritual, you know exactly what I’m talking about when I say God made it glaringly obvious I had to trust. That pounding heart feeling. The pit in the stomach. The sweaty palms. The moment where your mind says no but your heart says “you don’t have a choice, go!”

So I said yes. When you’re determined to make something work, you just do it. No matter how many obstacles get in your way.

In January I enrolled my first five clients. I am forever grateful they trusted me, fully knowing they would be the guinea pigs because it was my first time teaching and coaching. But they said yes to themselves and the program and we all learned so much.

Fast forward several months and it’s time. I have taken all the lessons I learned from guiding five different people on this path. I have listened to the feedback. I have tweaked and worked the material to best match my personality and my audience’s needs.

And the time has come. I am officially executing a vision I first imagined NINE YEARS AGO! Today I am launching my community for growth. A membership group for people who want to grow together.

The cart is officially open for CREATE PEACE! A 12 week course to bring more peace into your life. All the details are over here. I know that the next twelve weeks are going to bring transformation, growth, peace, reduced stress and more confidence for a lot of people and I CANNOT WAIT.

Today, announcing to everyone that you can click here feels like I am birthing a child, and trust me, I know. I’ve pushed out two almost 10-pounders.

When confidence is repulsive

During the quarantine I read Glennon Doyle’s latest release Untamed. There is so much to love about this book, but today I want to talk about these quotes:

“I have noticed that it seems far easier for the world to love a suffering woman than it is for the world to love a joyful, confident woman…

…I have been conditioned to mistrust and dislike strong, confident, happy girls and women. We all have…

…We become people who say of confident women ‘I don’t know, I can’t explain it—it’s just something about her. I just don’t like her. I can’t put my finger on why’…

…Their brazen defiance and refusal to follow directions makes us want to put them back into their cage.”

Raise your hand if this felt like a punch in the stomach to you? I highlighted the heck out of this chapter because I have not read many books where I resonated so deeply.

I have dealt with this my entire life. My mama raised all three of her kids to be confident. Whenever we would come home from school and tell her someone didn’t like us or wasn’t nice to us she would say “Oh, don’t worry about them. They are just jealous of you.” Every. Single. Time. We would roll our eyes and tell mama she was crazy, but you know those words sank into our subconscious.

Have I been walking around the earth thinking everyone is jealous of me? HAHA! Heck-to-the-NO!!! But, I have been walking around giving little to no energy toward what others think of me for a verrrrrrry long time.

My M.O. is that I get super attached to a mission I am on, and then I go get it done. Along the way I don’t play victim, I never ask for a pity party, I never give energy to someone else’s worries and concern, I just keep trail blazing.

At the end of my high school senior year I was offered the editor position for my local magazine, and I accepted. At 18 I was managing a staff of freelance writers who were mostly in their 40’s-60’s. It required learning curves for me and them, but my bosses (a husband and wife team) were always so encouraging. I ended up working for them for seven years and held several different positions in the company. One day I asked them “why on earth did you hire me at 18? I was a BABY!” He said ‘When you were 16 years old you called and asked to be a writer. Your very first writer’s meeting you showed up, took a seat, and believed you belonged at the table. You volunteered to write the feature, having no idea that was reserved for the senior writer, and when he dropped the ball on the deadline, you threw together a great piece in less than a week. We knew then we wanted to keep you around.”

I am forever grateful for my first “real” bosses and the potential they always saw in me. But other people, not so much. The same exact scenario from some of the other writers at that table were:

“Who the hell does she think she is just showing up and pitching ideas?”

“Where did she even come from…I’ve never heard of her. Who are her parents?”

“Well…that was bold. She has guts.” (With an eye roll)  

A year into that job several of the writers had overturned. Interestingly enough, I can distinctly remember two female writers who couldn’t handle my presence. The men were actually very kind, tolerated my youthful management learning curves and helped show me some ropes. But my very existence made multiple women uneasy and they left the publication.

In my twenties, this repeating experience deeply bothered me, and I would try to alter my personality to make other people feel more comfortable. When we live out of alignment with our authentic selves, this causes an inner war. I’ve written about this in the past. Eventually I had to just take off the lampshade and let my light be too bright for some people.

If you are a person who is “too much” for some, I want to encourage you to keep shining.

My husband is a feature film Director of Photography. This means he is a lighting EXPERT. He knows the science behind when and why you use every kind of light. He will intentionally dim, brighten, cool and warm up lights. He knows when he needs to bring out the green filters, orange filters, blue and so on. Every single shade, color and intensity is needed to tell a story.

Each. One. Matters.

If you happen to have a super confident and intense personality like I do, we are simply too bright for some people. I want to encourage you to shine at your highest settings. Just like the world needs the soft lights and the cool lights to help people feel comfortable, the world needs YOU to help inspire people outside of their comfort zones.

You do not need a lamp shade, sister. They need to go buy sunglasses.

It’s not your problem. It’s theirs.

Shine on. (As Glennon would say….you’re an effing cheetah.)

*Written by Sophia Hyde. Sophia is a certified life coach specializing in helping people create the peace they crave in their lives. Her 12 week course is currently open for enrollment and will close on May 25. There are three ways to participate: self-coaching, group coaching or 1:1 coaching. For more info, visit her website.

*To receive an email notification any time this blog is updated, subscribe by visiting the website and downloading her free e-book “Creating Peace.”

I QUIT, and am proud of myself for it

I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a world that spoke this message into me over and over again:

————-

Quitting is not an option

Winners never quit

The only way to fail is to quit

————

So. Much. Quit. Shaming.

I have loyalty written into my DNA. When I decide I care about something, I am ALL IN. My family and friends know this about me. “Oh man….here she goes again…she’s got a new thing.” Once I’ve committed, I can be clingy.

I’ve been in the same relationship since I was 18. I’ve been using the same brand of skincare since I was 20…I’m 33. Our last three car purchases have all been the same brand, and we intend to keep it that way.

I struggle with quitting.

Some of the greatest suffering I have caused myself is not acknowledging when a seasonal friendship was ending. Aren’t all friends supposed to be for life? What is happening here?

Written into my core belief system is that you aren’t supposed to quit. Suffering is part of the experience. You just push through.

Well….at least it WAS part of my belief system. It is no longer.

A few years ago I had to make a decision to quit on a goal I was pursuing with all my might. I spent FOUR YEARS waking up every single morning with the same goal as my main focus. That is 1,460 days of my life that I pushed, pursued and refused to quit.

I had set a goal for a business I was growing and revolved everything in my life around that goal. Every. Thing. And I loved the pursuit. I loved the race. I loved the growth I went through.

Until one day I didn’t anymore.

It wasn’t actually one day. It was a gradual experience. Moment by moment, small experiences occurred that made me doubt if I was in the right alignment for my future.

I slowly came to realize I was on the wrong airplane. I had to get off.

Have you ever flown Southwest? I love their model. When you book your ticket it will tell you if it’s direct, 1 or 2 stops, or 1 or 2 transfers (Side note…who actually books the two transfer options? That just sounds awful. I always elect to give away more of my money to avoid that.)

I have done all three. Direct from Tampa to New Orleans with no interruptions. Easy, breezy experience. I’ve flown Tampa to Vegas and had to wait while we stopped in New Orleans for some people to get off, others to get on, and I just kept my bum parked in the seat. And then of course, I have had to get off at an airport that is not my destination and switch planes to get where I needed to go.

One isn’t right or wrong. They’re just the best option we have to get where we are going and the price we are willing to pay for it, right?

I came to realize the goal I set for myself was no longer the right fit. I had my eyes on the final destination, but the longer the flight went on, the more and more uneasy I felt. Something didn’t feel right.

And then one day, the plane landed at an airport, and I got off. I just exited. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t have the ticket for my next flight. I didn’t know my next destination. I just knew I had to get off that plane.

Have you ever been there?

UGH! That time at the layover airport is the actual worst, isn’t it? You’re not on the next flight, you’re not on the old flight. You’re just sitting. In a state you don’t want to be in. Disconnected from your bags. Not at home. Not at the new place. Just hanging out in limbo.

When I chose to walk away from a goal I was so tied to, it hurt.

The voices in my head told me I was a quitter.

The voices told me I might be making a giant mistake. But the louder voice told me the bigger mistake was going to be to staying on the wrong airplane.

I may have done it with a career goal, but I’ve seen lots of people around me do this too.

Have you seen someone walk away from a marriage and you’re totally shocked? How on earth could this be?!?!? But then five years later you see them with a new spouse and a new life and you go “Ohhhh….wow….THAT potential was sitting inside them and they knew it. They were matched with the wrong person. This person is such a better compliment to them. I’m so happy for them.”

But did you actually talk to them when they walked away? Were you actually happy for them when it was really ugly? The shame. The guilt. The comments people made. The criticism.

As of today, 2020, I’m on the next flight. I spent 2.5 years walking around the airport. Eventually, I figured out what city I wanted to go to, and then I had to find the right plane to get me there.

And I have to say….I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR QUITTING.

Now, am I telling you to let your kid quit two weeks into soccer practice because they decide they don’t like to run? Maybe. I don’t know that answer. I think what I am saying is “Maybe, maybe not.” Maybe they need to learn physical fitness, commitment, teamwork and some other lessons. Or maybe this was a terrible mistake and if you pivot quickly enough there is still a chance to grab a spot on the chess team that practices at the same time and is a much better fit.

Recently I hosted a free webinar event where I talked about how to live a peaceful life. Do you know what one of the most important components is? Being in alignment with yourself. Listening to that inner voice calling out that there is more than this. Listening to the voice telling you that maybe you are a square peg in a round hole. There is nothing wrong with square pegs or round holes, they just don’t align.

Dear friends, what I want you to hear today is that if you are misaligned somewhere in your life…

YOU

CAN

QUIT

There is no trophy for she/he who endures the most suffering. There is not a martyr prize for the one who is so loyal to something/someone else that they lose themselves.

If I had not gotten off the plane three years ago, I wouldn’t be here tonight investing in this blog and building this brand. I am on the right plane now. And it feels oh so good.

P.S. If you are reading this blog and you want to be notified when things like free webinars come along again, or you just want to get these posts delivered to your email inbox, then drop your email below. Oh! And BONUS…you’ll get a free e-book downloadable PDF when you do called “Creating Peace.” I wrote it just for you. I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time,

Sophia

My husband and I don’t share a bedroom

*Cue all the judgements and gasps and strange looks* 

I’ve been taking flack for this lifestyle choice for six years, so I decided to share with you why my husband and are quite happy with this decision. 

First, I realized long ago that the reason so many people are uncomfortable with this information when I share it is because most people can only understand someone else’s life through the lens of their own experiences. When they respond with a strange look or comment, I’m able to understand what they are actually saying is “that would never work in my marriage.” And that’s totally fine. 

I am in no way on a mission to convince anyone to copy us. It’s probably not a good idea for most people. What I am on a mission to do is to encourage people to think independently, get comfortable with being different than everyone else, and to advocate for what’s best for your family. 

So, now for the part many of you are sticking around for…why do we each have our own bedroom?

Short answer:

In our family, we prioritize a solid night’s rest and this arrangement allows all four members of our family to sleep well. Everyone gets 7-11 hours of sleep in the Hyde house, and we are all happier humans for it. 

Long answer: 

Let’s go back to 2007, the beginning of the marriage. 

For the first seven years of our marriage, we had indeed been sharing a bed. I am a cuddler, and he doesn’t want to be touched. I’m a bed hog and a blanket thief. We used separate blankets so I could create my cocoon and he didn’t have to wake up to unravel me. The two blankets didn’t solve the problem that I took up 3/4 of the bed, and he wanted a bubble around himself. 

At some point in the marriage he began snoring. I would solve this by plugging his nose in the middle of the night, which also wasn’t appreciated. 

My opinion of the ideal temperature at night is between 70-73 degrees. His opinion of the ideal sleeping temperature is between 60-64. This is a big difference. I was always freezing cold or he was sweating. 

In 2014 our daughter was born. We decided to put an adult bed in the same room as the baby. I knew I wanted to breastfeed so I was the only one who could feed her at night. If I was going to get interrupted in the night, why have her cries wake my husband too? 

He wouldn’t be able to offer me relief so we might as well have one fully rested adult. We agreed that my job was to take care of the baby, and his job was to take care of me. Since he was well rested, he could handle more of the household responsibilities. 

Shortly after she was born, I converted to safe co-sleeping for us. She and I both slept so much better. Brandon was extremely uncomfortable with having her in bed with him, and it’s not recommended as part of safe co-sleeping. So I just always slept in our daughter’s room, and he slept in ours. 

Well, not too long into this arrangement, my husband started sleeping much better. He could set the temperature to 60, snuggle in his blanket where no one would touch him or try to steal it, and he could snore as loudly as his body desired. As my daughter grew, she too revealed to be a snuggler. In contrast to her mom, she always kicked off her blankets. So we made a great match. We could sleep through the night all up in each other’s personal bubbles. 

And then along came our son. We had to rethink the arrangements because our 5 year old didn’t need to wake up every time the infant cried. I needed a room to myself with the baby. We live in a 3 bedroom home so we discussed all the options. It made the most sense to teach my daughter to sleep in her own bed and to move me into the master bedroom next door. Dad tried a few nights on the couch and that was an epic fail.

So we looked at the office. We could have called it the “spare room” but why not call a spade a spade. We put a twin in the office, which has its own mini-split a/c unit and dad was back to his awesome rest. The logistics of him having to wake us up to get to his clothes also made no sense so we just decided to go all in and move his clothes into the office too. 

As our son grew, I still loved co-sleeping, and he proved to also be a snuggler. 

At some point our daughter started waking up in the middle of the night and getting in bed with me. I was sleeping on a queen mattress on the floor (safe co-sleeping) with bumpers to keep them from rolling off and it was tight. Too tight. I was sleeping miserably. 

So during this quarantine we decided to get everyone situated with the appropriate bed arrangements. 

Mama now has a king bed with bumpers that has ample room for the three squirmy cuddlers in the family. 

The kids have bunk beds to give them the illusion of having their own beds, but Liam never uses his and Eleanora makes it 3-5 hours in there each night. 

Daddy got upgraded to a queen in the third bedroom with his quiet corner of the house at the perfect temperature each night. 

This works really well for us. I have the entire master bedroom closet to myself and a giant king bed that my kids come snuggle with me in. It’s awesome. 

And now…the answer to the question you’re all wondering. The one I get asked the most, “but doesn’t this have an effect on your sex life?”

C’mon now people. Really? We have to spell it out this clearly for you. 

Kids bedtime: 7:30pm 
Moms bedtime: 10pm 
Dads bedtime: 11:30pm 
Typical time first child wakes up looking for mom: 11:00-11:30 if she’s not already in bed

Mom and dad are doing just fine. 

We have never in the history of our marriage gone to bed at the same time. I prefer to go to bed early and rise early. He prefers to stay up late and sleep later. 

So there have never been those cute moments like in the movies where we read our books together and then kiss goodnight and turn off the two lamps on the night stands. It’s more like he’s watching a movie or playing a video game and I say “Goodnight babe. Love you” 

Like I said, I am in no way advocating for others to follow our lead. What I do want to encourage you to do is to get a full night’s rest, be a good human and get really comfortable going against the grain if it improves your quality of life. 

From one rebel to another, you got this. 

Much love,
Sophia 

Full Disclosure: Our Family Budget

Photo by Running Circles Photography

This is probably the scariest post I have ever written. I will gladly spill my emotions out without hesitation, but our society teaches us that money is a BIG secret. Asking “how much do you make?” is considered a rude question. God forbid you ask someone how much they paid for their car (but then we Google the MSRP and make some guesses on that monthly payment). However, a way to TRULY help each other is to talk about this stuff.

A few months ago I was writing in my Instastory about finances. We had recently become debt free and people were asking how we did it. I took a poll and asked how many would love to see an example of our budget and 100% of the responses were yes….and there were DOZENS of people.

I felt like I had opened the door and had to follow through, but I put it off for months. It felt vulnerable and scary.

My husband is in the film industry so with all the shoots cancelling during the pandemic we knew it was only a matter of time before his pay stopped. And then we got “the call.” After April, his income sources will dry up and we will be applying for unemployment. I know other people are facing similar situations, so I felt that it was finally time to open the window.

The reason I am choosing to take a GIANT risk, do something that feels VERY vulnerable, is because I am here to help people. I know so many people are facing financial challenges like us and talking about this stuff helps. Finding out what others spend on groceries, and life expenses helps us learn. So, I am going to share with you guys our February budget, which was a pretty normal month for us. Our May budget is being slashed by childcare and any other expenses we can trim to try our hardest not to tap into our emergency fund.

Important notes about reading this document:

  • I don’t run our budget off an excel document. This was just the easiest way to publish the data. We use an app called Everydollar that organizes it all for us very well. My two favorite features are the drag and drop syncing feature with our bank, so after I swipe I just have to drag to the appropriate category, and the ability to establish funds.
  • The green boxes are funds. Our app allows us set these up differently so that if we don’t spend all the money we budgeted for that category it will roll over to the next month. A great example of this is the car maintenance. We budget $250/month. Most months we will spend $0-50 on our cars and then have a $500-1000 repair a couple times a year. Setting aside the money each month anticipating those hits takes all the stress out of the yoyo-ing.
  • Any money we bring in beyond the expenses goes into the savings. We follow the Dave Ramsey baby steps. We are now debt free, but we have not finished funding our 3-6 months emergency fund. Full disclosure, since we just became debt free around Christmas time, we don’t even have 1 month of expenses saved yet.

Have any questions? I’ll gladly answer them! Please comment, reply or email me if this brings any value to you so I can feel better about totally laying out my personal life for everyone to see.

If you would like to receive an email whenever my blog updates, you can subscribe by putting your email address into the bottom of the page. When you do so, it will send you a free gift download that is a self assessment called the “Wheel of Life.”

Free Gift Released!

I am so excited to announce that you can now download a free gift from my website that can bring tremendous value to your life if you choose to apply it.

Three years ago, I was frustrated and stuck. I had a yearning and desire for what I wanted to create in my life, but I felt like a gerbil in a cage running on the spinny wheel. I wanted so much more but here I was, once again, running on the same track with the same view. I needed a breakthrough.

I attended a workshop and the speaker presented the Wheel of Life. I did a self assessment at where I was in each area. I realized I was thriving in some areas of my life, but other areas were totally, completely depleted. No wonder I couldn’t get anywhere. What happens if you poke holes in a tire? It becomes flat.

After that day I realized that I was working so hard in a couple areas of my life, that I was completely neglecting the needs of others. I started taking a more holistic approach to my life and things finally started coming together. In my case, I had a huge goal in my business I wanted to achieve but year after year I couldn’t hit it and kept resetting the same goal. At the same time, I kept setting the same fitness goal and continuing to end the year where I began the last. I was so frustrated with myself.

If you are an overachiever like me, it’s so easy to put all our focus on our career, or our health goals, or maybe financial goals because we have set a standard and we’re determined to meet or exceed it. However, I learned that it’s futile, if even achievable at all, if it comes at the expense of our self-care, relationships, or mental health.

This Wheel of Life Assessment is a partnership between me and Tom Ziglar, son of the late Zig Ziglar, and author of Choose to Win. This guide will help you determine which area may be holding you back from creating the life YOU want for yourself.

How to download the assessment: visit www.sophiahyde.com. If the pop-up does not emerge offering you the free download, then scroll to the bottom of the page and it will be in the left corner.

Enjoy! Oh, and P.S., if you haven’t had a chance to watch the video I did with Tom Ziglar on the stronger mindset, I highly recommend that too.

Choose to Win Friends!

Sophia

Stronger Mindset Series: Processing Disappointment

Photo by Running Circles Photography

Most of us are processing some level of disappointment right now. It could be as simple as fun outings cancelled or as significant as life altering changes like job layoffs. When we mapped out our plans for 2020, none of us planned for the interruption that is COVID-19.


Some people are very quick to discount this disappointment by saying it’s really inappropriate to complain when nurses and doctors are on the front lines risking their lives or families are grieving the loss of loved ones to this virus. But that’s not usually helpful. Not only does that feedback not take away the disappointment, but it adds guilt on top of it. So now you feel guilt for being disappointed, which just takes you lower. 


So what is actually helpful when facing disappointment? 


First, acknowledge it. If we don’t feel our emotions, we store them. We suppress them. This is not healthy for our bodies or minds. Admit that you are feeling disappointed and fully feel the emotion. 


Second, react in a way that helps you release it. For many people that is crying. If you need to cry, cry. Maybe you need to let it out through a run or some other exertion of energy. Find something helpful to you. 


Third, create a Plan B. Once we can accept that Plan A was never going to happen we can move on. It only existed in our minds. It was just a thought we created and attached emotions to. We can make new thoughts. And create new stories around them.

This is the magic sauce. These thoughts and stories are where we can take full ownership of our situation. If our cancelled plans have left us sitting on the couch, then we can decide what story we attach to that new experience. You have facts and then you have thoughts and emotions you attach to the facts.

Fact: I am sitting on my couch on the evening I was supposed to __________.

Story Choices:

I’m so lazy, I really shouldn’t sit here and watch TV. I should be doing something more productive. [Guilt]

I’m so angry. They have robbed me. These rules are stupid. [Victim-mentality]

I’m so grateful I have a home to be safe in with electricity and entertainment. [Gratitude]

I’m so lonely. I guess I’m not worthy of anyone’s love. [Shame]

I wonder if there’s something I could be learning about? I heard there’s a bunch of free courses from Ivy league schools. I didn’t want to be stuck on my couch, but maybe I can find something interesting to learn. [Curiosity]

I bet I’m not the only one stuck on my couch tonight. I’m going to text some friends until I find someone else sitting around. Maybe we can Facetime and have a wine night in our pajamas and catch up. [Connection]

Do I know anyone who is probably lonely right now? Who can call/text and check in on? [Service]

(And my personal favorite that I choose the most) This sucks. This was not what I intended. What would make me feel good right now? This doesn’t feel good so how can make myself feel better? A long, hot bath. Yes. [Restoration]

I could keep going, but I think you get the point. When you read through those statements, did you feel the emotions? There are countless other responses.

As we continue to navigate through disappointment, my hope is that we will respond in a way that serves us and makes the best of what we are facing. My prayer is that we will choose to be kind to ourselves and to others.

Much Love,

Sophia Hyde

P.S. To watch a video about the Stronger Mindset with me and Tom Ziglar, click here.

P.P.S. As a Choose to Win coach I help people fill the gap to get from where they are to where they want to be. To download a free assessment to help you see which area of your life may be holding you back, scroll to the bottom of this page.

Tom Ziglar on the Stronger Mindset

Recently I was able to sit down and chat with Tom Ziglar, author of Choose to Win and son of the late Zig Ziglar. We discussed the importance of having a stronger mindset during these challenging times.

As a Choose to Win certified coach, I help people fill the gap of getting from where they are to where they want to be. To download a free assessment to see which area may be holding you back in your own life, scroll down to the bottom of this page.

8 Ways You Can Help Others During the Quarantine

The COVID-19 pandemic has taken our society into a place we haven’t been before. We are treading on new territory and making it up as we go along. 


I live in Florida, so preparing for natural disasters is part of our summer every year. We know how to prepare, and when disaster strikes, we know how to help. We’ve been through so many storms that we know the protocol. This time around, we don’t have a template. It’s leaving many of us feeling confused and helpless. 


I always revert back to the quote by Mr. Rogers that is so powerful, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” 


Personally, as a Christian, I know that I have been called to help. James 2:14-26 (NIV)What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”


Over the last week as the panicking and quarantining as grown, I’ve been looking for the helpers. Here is a list of the ways I have seen people helping and some ideas that may inspire you if you are looking for ways to help:

  1. First, you cannot help others if you are not helping yourself. Please follow the CDC recommendations. You are protecting others by following the recommendations. Before looking for ways to help others, make sure you have the proper resources to get through this time. Helping others is not supposed to come at the cost of your health and well being.
  2. Look after your family and friends. Does everyone in your circle have the resources they need? Do you have a relative/friend that lives alone and has trouble being mobile either due to physical limitations or lack of vehicle? Do they need your help physically or financially to get supplies?
  3. Do you know someone who is immune compromised or elderly? They may appreciate you offering to go to the grocery store for them to limit their exposure. And this need may go on for weeks or months as COVID-19 continues to spread. 
  4. Do you know someone whose livelihood has been impacted by the many cancellations? In Florida, tourism and conferences make a major impact on our economy. It could manifest in ways as simple as a waitress not getting tips because the restaurant is dead or an Uber driver not having anyone to give a ride. You may want to think of friends or family in these industries that have been impacted and shoot them a message. A gift card to Publix, Wal-Mart or a gas station may bring them a lot of relief as they start worrying about how they will pay for their expenses. Stocking up on two weeks worth of supplies may be more than their bank account permits. 
  5. Many people are finding themselves in a childcare crisis. The school closings create challenges for many people. Offering to watch someone’s children for them while they are at work is a tremendous gift. Many parents do not have the job flexibility to be able to stay home. Do you know a single parent? Check on them. Are you going to be spending the next few weeks of quarantine chilling at home? See if you know a family that would greatly appreciate it if instead of binge-watching Love is Blind on Netflix you would watch Frozen 2 with their child(ren). As someone who will be navigating this school closure fiasco myself, I know this is a tremendous act of love that is greatly appreciated. 
  6. Call your local church (many are filled with congregations of elderly) or your local Meals on Wheels organization. They are probably aware of some shut-ins that could use some help. Whether you help directly or make a donation to an organization so they can provide resources, it goes a long way. 
  7. Consider making a donation to your local food bank. The people who are financially impacted by this will be calling them for resources. They also are usually on the front line of feeding children who depend on the free/reduced breakfasts and lunches at school when school is out. 
  8. Get creative. Open your eyes to needs around you to see if there are opportunities. Sometimes it just takes removing the focus from ourselves and placing it on others to see opportunities for kindness. In a Facebook moms group I’m in, I saw one mother offering all her frozen break milk to anyone having trouble finding formula because so many places are selling out. Now that’s creative and generous. There is no limitation of ways to serve. 

The most powerful thing we can do in a time of crisis is focus on what we can control. There are so many things out of our control that it makes us feel helpless, anxious and afraid. Turning our attention to actions we can take to help others will alleviate some of the helplessness. In a world where divisiveness is everywhere we turn, we hold the power to make this a time we look back on how we all came together to help one another in a time of need.