With my husband and daughter at the Dec 13, 2019 premiere of Bernie the Dolphin 2, a feature film of which he was the Director of Photography.
Day: 13
Spoke:
Career
Habit:
Persistent Consistency
In
the book Choose to Win, Tom Ziglar talks a lot about PC. But it’s not in the
context we’re used to hearing it (politically correct or personal computer),
he’s referring to persistent consistency. It’s the secret to success in any
spoke on the Wheel of Life. Making the decision that you are going to
consistently perform a habit and persist in doing it even when it gets hard.
Early
in our relationship my husband and I made the decision that we were going to be
dreamers and then fight relentlessly to make them happen. He figured out his
dream first, to be a Director of Photography in the feature film industry.
About five years after him, I finally figured out my dream was to be a coach.
The paths to our dreams for both of us were messy, unpredictable and filled
with highs and lows.
I’ve
developed a hobby of listening to the stories of successful people who achieved
their dreams to discover the common threads. Without fail, there is always the
pattern of “I got this idea in my head and had a vision of where I wanted it to
go. It turns out it was much harder to make it happen than I realized, but I
never let go of my dream. I was determined and I just kept taking the next step
to get there. After a few lucky breaks and a thousand obstacles with a couple major
failures, I arrived.” You can insert almost anyone’s success story into that
template.
As I
type this blog post, I am driving down the interstate (in the passenger seat)
to a premiere for a movie my husband was the Director of Photography. This morning
I did a strategy session with a new client and enrolled her in the 12-week
Choose to Win Program. He’s shooting and I am coaching. We did it.
Twelve
years guys. Twelve years of persistently showing up every day taking steps to
create the life we want so we could both do our dream jobs. We are finally
here.
What
is your dream? What vision do you have in your future that you’re so committed
to you are willing to be persistently consistent in fighting to make it a
reality?
I’m so grateful that self love is getting more and more attention.
The first time I ever heard the concept of putting yourself as a priority above everyone else in your life was by Michael Hyatt in 2011 in his “Creating Your Life Plan” workbook. He discussed the “put on your oxygen mask first so you can then help others” philosophy. At that period in time I wasn’t anywhere on my own priority list. I felt guilty for the 30 minutes it took me to get ready each morning and didn’t know how to make that time more productive. Everyone else’s needs and my work consumed ALL of my time.
After running myself into the ground time and time again, I realized it wasn’t optional, but necessary, for me to figure out how to make myself the top priority in my life, second only to God. Yep. Above the husband and above the kids. A healthy version of mom is much more useful to them then any other scenario.
I’ve heard multiple people think self care equals making time for facials and manicures. I mean…sure, those are self-care. But those are really low on my life on the most important self care. I can go without those items.
Here are my self-care habits that make it possible for me to stay in a healthy state mentally, physically and spiritually so I can care of others:
Proper sleep
Scheduled rest time
A day a week where I don’t leave my house
Incorporating lots of whole foods, especially veggies, into my day
Spending time with people who give me life
Unfollowing accounts on social media that make me feel yucky inside or cause me stress
Not watching the news
Waking up before anyone else in the house
Soaking in the bathtub
Meditating
Being involved in organizations that I love
Scheduling regular checks ups with the doctor, chiropractor and dentist
There are so many ways for us to love on ourselves. What do you do?
I
opened my first credit card when I was 18 years old. I was told I needed it to
“build my credit.” I went to Best Buy and financed the purchase of a digital
camera with all the accessories. I was so proud of myself and felt so adult for
making such a wise move. And the habit was created.
Have
more month left at the end of the money? Put some stuff on a credit card.
Can’t
pay $21,000 cash for the brand new car you want? Take out a 5 year loan.
Don’t
have the money for private school college tuition for your husband? Sign here
for a student loan.
Want
to start a business and can’t afford all the equipment? Borrow some money to
get off the ground quicker.
What makes me feel the most stupid about all of it is that when we went totally broke in 2013 due to some bad timing on some business decisions, we moved in with my parents 7 months pregnant because we couldn’t afford rent. When I look back, we COULD have afforded to support ourselves but we had $1,300 per month in minimum payments on debts. I was so afraid of “destroying my credit” that I never once missed a credit card minimum payment, but we couldn’t support our family.
Unfortunately,
we didn’t learn the lesson for three more years. We would make progress, pay a
bunch of debt down, have an expected expense pop up and throw it on a card. We
were using our business credit card for every business transaction so we could
“get the points.”
Studies
have shown that when you’re putting it on a credit card and not using cash or
debit, you spend 12% more money. Emotionally, it doesn’t hurt as badly to let
go of the money.
In
September 2016 I started listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast. That fall we
started using the app and setting a monthly budget together, but I was still so
afraid to part with that business credit card. By January, I knew we needed to
go “all in” on Dave’s plan. We didn’t have the guts to cut the cards up, but we
did take them out of our wallets and hide them in the house. That was January
2017 and we haven’t swiped a credit card since.
We
saved up our starter emergency fund and have been cash flowing every unexpected
expense since then. We’ve paid cash for two vehicles. Thanks to the monthly
budgeting, we’ve have money sitting in the checking account ready to go for
most of the home, auto, medical and life expenses that have come up. We just
plan better.
Twice
in the last year the temptation was there to finance something.
The first was on an airplane. They have a direct flight from where we live to where my in-laws live and I SO DESPERATELY wanted to sign up for the airline credit card and use it for our purchases so I could earn a free flight, but my hubby talked me out of it. The risk was not worth the reward.
And
then the second time was when I was researching coaching schools. The two I
liked the most were both $18,000, which we didn’t have in savings. I wanted to
justify financing them like people do secondary education, but I just heard
Dave’s voice. “If you feel stuck with a situation that debt is your only choice
then that just means you haven’t researched enough options. There’s always a
solution that avoids debt.” I patiently waited and kept researching more
schools. Like magic (but I just credit God) the Choose to Win coaching program
crossed my path a couple months later and was a MUCH BETTER fit for the type of
coaching I wanted to do AND was a price point I could cash flow.
My
husband and I have just made the decision as a couple that debt isn’t an option
for us.
If you still believe in debt as a way to build wealth, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book Everyday Millionaires. You’ll find that being debt free is one of the most common lifestyle choices people have in common that retire with at least a $1 million net worth or greater.
If
you’re currently in debt and looking for a way out, I cannot recommend Dave
Ramsey highly enough. A few good places to start are his book The Total Money
Makeover, his podcast, or his course Financial Peace University.
Wanna
hear something funny….everything he teaches goes right back to developing the
right habits. Maybe there’s something to this habit thing, huh?
I’ve
written and deleted this post three times. I can’t seem to find the words to
explain this experience well, and I think it’s because it doesn’t take many
words.
This
quote says it all.
When I decided to find my peace and arrange my life in such a way that it’s conducive to maintaining it, I took control of my life. I work really intentionally on the habit to not allow the bad driver on the road, the attitude of another person, or someone’s behavior to rob my peace.
I am
responsible for putting together practices and routines that help me maintain
my peace. Beyond that, I am just observing others. When I’m tempted to allow
someone else’s actions to rob my peace, I try to quickly regroup and reflect on
how I can handle this to restore my peace and manage the situation, if taking
action is even beneficial.
You’re
probably saying “I know…I know…I know…” I need to drink more water. But
if we’re going to talk about habits, this is one that cannot be left out.
There’s lots of info out there about how much water to consume. The guideline I use is your body weight in pounds divided by two, in ounces. So, if you weigh 200 lbs, drink 100oz of water per day. And then Floridians add an extra 12oz/day for the high humidity we live in. If you drink anything that is a dehydrator (coffee, alcohol, etc), add more by doubling that drink in ounces of water. Had a grande latte at Starbucks? That’s 16 oz. Add 32 more ounces of water to your regular day’s figure.
Whether this math is backed by tons of science, I haven’t even bothered to look. It’s easy for me to remember and works as a good guideline to help me create the healthy habit of drinking lots of water, which is backed by lots of science.
I
started this habit in 2012, so I’ve had several years to watch how my body
responds. I have found that this habit plus the sleep is THE GAME CHANGER in
how I feel and my weight loss/gain.
A
few side effects in my body that came as a result of not enough water:
Headaches
Chapped lips
Light headedness
Low energy
Weight gain (water retention)
Mindless snacking (often times dehydration manifests as the munchies)
Getting enough water in is ALL ABOUT creating the habits to set you up for success. Here a few habits I do without even thinking about it:
Carry water with me everywhere I go. Literally, I don’t leave home without my water bottle.
Trained myself to make my default response “water” every time someone asks me what I would like to drink. Occasionally I may be in the mood to add something else, but never without doubling the water of whatever the other drink is
Having a large glass of water as one of the first things I do when I get out of bed
Having a large glass before bed (I mix magnesium into it at night)
Have fun with it! I drink my water out of a wine glass to make it feel fancier. I makes me smile, and often times makes other people smile too
Adding things to the water if I need. BEWARE of the flavor water options at the grocery store. I downright refuse to put artificial sweeteners in my body and most are loaded in them. I will do liquid stevia drops, and I’ll do fruit as well. If you smoosh the berries a little before putting them in the water, the juices will sweeten your water deliciously. Lemons and limes are obviously very popular for this. And of course, if you’ve spent any amount of time around me, you know I add fizz sticks to my water regularly.
If you’re doing the sleep challenge I wrote about last week, try adding this water challenge to it and see how your body responds. Once I got a taste of the quality of life it offers, I’ve never looked back.
In 2016 I discovered podcasting. I had heard of it, but I didn’t realize the value it could add to my life. All I knew was my husband listened to a bunch of podcasts about fantasy football, film and some show his friend put out. He asked me to listen to an episode by his friend, and I didn’t know how. Like a little old lady needing help with her TV remote, he took my phone, opened the purple app that said “Podcasts,” and then showed me how to use the search.
Later that day I started typing my favorite authors into the search, and they all had been making podcasts! For years! Wait, these writers whose work I craved, who I would preorder every single release they put out had information I could have been digesting every week instead of every couple years? Mind. Blown.
I
immediately started following my favorite authors. Then I literally sat down
with the Wheel of Life. I had some significant discontent in a few of the
spokes. I was struggling financially, spiritually and with my health (I was
healthy but my weight was a constant yo-yo). I knew that quote “you’re a
reflection of the five people you spend the most time with.” I decided I was
going to spend a LOT of time with Dave Ramsey, Rob Bell, the Ziglar show and
Ashley James (Learn True Health Podcast).
The habit
I formed three years ago, that I still practice today, is to fill my mind with
as many episodes as I can in down time. Driving five minutes down the road?
Click play on a podcast. Washing dishes? Click play. Going on a walk? Click
play. Cleaning the bathroom? Click play. Hour long commute each way? Click
play.
Hours and hours and hours of allowing these leaders to speak into my life significantly changed me. I began to see the world differently.
Thanks
to Dave Ramsey, I saw money in a completely different light. It took me about 8
months to get comfortable with the habits he teaches. Like any new habit, it
was awkward for a while. It took lots of energy and effort; now it’s second
nature and I don’t think about it.
Thanks to Rob Bell and some other shows I discovered along the way like the Liturgists, I have so much more peace spiritually. I felt so alone for so long. As my relationship with God grew stronger, my relationship with the church broke. I remember listening to some episodes while cleaning after the kids went to bed and something would be said that would bring me to my knees. I would find myself on my kitchen floor in tears, weeping with gratitude that I wasn’t alone anymore and there were thousands of other people having my same experiences, and it was okay. I was looking for a spiritual community locally, but I found it online.
On
Learn True Health, Ashley interviews different people every week. I discovered
Tricia Nelson with Heal Your Hunger there who helped me cope with my emotional
eating habits. I gained lots of wisdom and insight from different naturopaths
and experts over the years who helped me develop habits for my family that have
been very beneficial for us.
Zig Ziglar always talked about “automobile university.” He was a motivational speaker and fervently believed that you should fill your mind with positivity and education that can help you grow. Hands down, one of the best things I have done for myself is to develop the habit of listening to podcasts that address the areas where I need help.
I could write a whole series of posts on family and boundaries. If you haven’t read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, it’s a MUST. He discusses relational boundaries, but today I want to discuss time block boundaries.
When I had my first child I chose to work from home so I didn’t have to put her in daycare. Every single day those first three years I weaved all the priorities together at the same time, and it was a hot mess.
By working from home, mostly my cell phone, I was always “on” for everyone. Small children have constant demands. I was working and living in a house that needed constant cleaning and picking up. And then I had the pressure and nagging feeling over me as a constant dark cloud of all the work-related things I should be doing that I couldn’t get to.
I
was stressed and my body showed it.
My
hips started hurting and it kept getting worse. I couldn’t figure out why until
I went to a Japanese Acupressurist who completely cleared it up in one session,
after a year of struggle for me.
I
was carrying guilt and it was storing in my body. When I was playing with my
daughter I felt guilty I should have been working. When I was working I felt
guilty I wasn’t spending time with my family or cleaning. I was never present
in the moment. I was constantly focusing on what else I “should” be doing.
The magical shift for me happened when I got childcare help. I was able to time block my entire life. This is my window to work. This is my window to do chores. This is my window to sit on the couch and do nothing. Sometimes they may bleed into each other a little bit, like I choose to answer a work text while at home, but I work very intentionally at keeping my time block boundaries as firm and consistent as I can.
Time blocking my life has been so beneficial because every time my mind starts to drift to something else that still isn’t getting done I can turn the chatter off in my mind and just say “I’ll get to that on Saturday morning, until then it will have to wait because these things are the current priority.”
Do you ever struggle with being present in the current moment? Do the never ending to-do lists overwhelm you? Have you ever tried time blocking?
The average American spends more of their time at work than anywhere else, and yet the statistics tell us that (depending which report you read) somewhere around only 15% of Americans love their job. This breaks my heart.
I know that pain. I’ve lived that pain. What I found was the best medicine was to get to know myself better. The more we understand ourselves, the more we know where we could best thrive.
A few years ago a friend highly recommended the Strengths Finder test to me, and I decided to invest in it. When I read my top five strengths I had two very different reactions.
The first was reassurance. I knew those talents and gifts were inside of me, and it was so encouraging to see words on a paper that told me I wasn’t making it up.
The second reaction was sadness. I read the strengths and realized I was currently in a role that left about 60% of those strengths on the table. I was using some of them, so I wasn’t a fish out of water, but I was not fulfilled.
Understanding my strengths gave me the courage to start looking for new opportunities. I wanted to use my gifts and talents to make my community better. It surprised many people when I walked away from seven years of entrepreneurship into a full time, M-F office job. I felt completely at peace because what I saw was an opportunity to get paid to use most of my strengths on a daily basis.
I was only two weeks into my full time position when I felt like I needed to pinch myself. I said to my boss multiple times “I get PAID to do this?!?!?” I was having so much fun and making an income at the same time. Many people would not love my job. It’s a combination of details and high level thinking, while managing a thousand hats and bouncing from one project to the next, often times in the same hour. My brain was wired for this type of work and it feels like a square peg in a square hole.
I believe the small investment of around $20 is worth it to find out what your strengths are. Once you’re empowered with that information, you can seek out opportunities that will help you use those strengths on a daily basis. It may mean looking for a new opportunity like mine did, or it may mean staying exactly where you are but experimenting wearing some different hats at the same company.
Creating the habit to always seek out opportunities that will utilize your strengths will greatly increase your overall satisfaction and fulfillment in life. If you are one of those people dreading the alarm clock every morning because your job feels like dying a slow death, stop. Just stop. Re-evaluate yourself. Learn a little about where you can thrive. Begin to seek out a career path or a specific company that will help you become the greatest version of yourself. You are worthy of a job you love.
The quote “you are a reflection of the five people you spend the most time with” is so true. Last year, I got out a sheet of paper and wrote down five people in my life that I wanted to reflect, then I chose to invest in them with intention.
Self-care is ESSENTIAL to our ability to thrive. Sometimes self-care looks like bubble baths and manicures, but most of the time it looks like prioritizing our time, energy and resources on what matters most and loving ourselves enough to say yes and no in the right places.
2018
was a very, very challenging year for me. I had a difficult pregnancy while
still having to care for a 4 year old and work full time with a side gig. My
husband was gone (work travel) for most of it and then at 8 weeks old our baby
ended up in the hospital for two weeks in ICU. I have a hard time asking for
help. There were people who knew that and showed up for me in ways I didn’t
know to ask for. Some people who I thought were my “good friends” didn’t make
it a priority to be at any of the most important events for me that year.
I
realized that life is a mirror and if these people were not showing up for me
the way I had expected, then was I showing up for them? Were they just
mirroring back to me my own actions?
At
the end of the year I got out a sheet of paper and wrote down 5 names and made
it a priority to invest in those lives. Because I know I am in a season where
there is no window in my life to take a phone call and quality time is my
strongest love language, I knew it had to be women local to me that I could
weave into my life and create space to be together.
Sometimes
it looked like carpooling to the same event. Other times it looked like signing
our kids up for the same activities so we would have a buddy to sit next to.
Sometimes it was agreeing to attend the same functions but then finding a
corner of the room to hide away in and catch up on life. More than once,
friends came over after my kids were in bed to watch a Netflix show with me.
It’s
funny because I’m probably the most busy I’ve ever been in my life (and I’ve
always had a habit of staying very busy) but this year I have had a tremendous
amount of fun and deepened my relationships with some pretty amazing women.
The
list is so, so, so long of amazing women I am blessed to call friends. I am so
grateful for so many women who are in my life. This habit of a list of five is
not a flashback to MySpace days and making an exclusive club of your top 5, but
rather acknowledging that who you surround yourself with matters. They give you
advice, share their experiences, and subconsciously rub off on you. I made the
decision to be intentional with who I wanted rubbing off on me.
No
matter how “busy” we are, we need relationships. We need fun. We need
friendship.
[photo
caption: Despite having a very full calendar my sister and I chose to host a
“Galentine’s Day” party at my house to be intentional about making time for
friendship, laughter and fun just because.]
In 2008 I was 21 years old and was introduced to budgeting for the first time. I had never been taught the concept of spending your money before you make it, or properly planning for categories.
When we got engaged in 2006, there was no debt in my name. Less than two years later we purchased a condo that was plummeting in value; we closed on that property the month the real estate market peaked. We purchased a brand new vehicle and a barely used vehicle. We financed tens of thousands of dollars in student loans and we opened some credit cards. In retrospect it was a series of foolish decisions, but in the moment it all felt very normal. When I sat down for our first Dave Ramsey financial class to learn about budgeting, we had a negative net worth that exceeded $120,000.
We finished the course but to be honest, we didn’t implement any of it. We were so far into debt and still not finished with college that it felt hopeless. We didn’t see a way out. We dabbled in the cash envelope system, but were too disorganized to follow through with it. If one category ran out of money we would just take it from another. And we couldn’t keep up with the receipts so had no idea where the money was going.
The lessons from the classes did not fall on deaf ears. We managed to short sale our condo to drop that debt and sell both cars to buy beaters, which knocked out about half of the debt. But we weren’t willing to part with the credit cards. We bought into the “points” concept and thought we were better off swiping for everything. Without a budget telling us what we could spend, this led to immense business debt because we justified so many purchases as a “need” for the business.
Our financial stress began to end when I started listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast. I heard story after story of people who were just like me. I was far from alone. I learned about the app EveryDollar and downloaded it. This one single habit of using this app was the game changer in our financial lives.
We synced the app to our bank accounts. We got rid of all the credit cards and only use the debit cards. We spend the money on the app prior to our paychecks coming in. We agree on our financial priorities and then follow through. We have paid off over $30,000 in student load and credit card debt this way.
We would be debt free probably 18 months ago if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. We cash flowed some home projects to get ready for the baby and then started spending more on childcare than our mortgage. So it slowed down our progress, but MAN we are SO CLOSE to being debt free. We’ve been using the app for three years and it’s hands down the best financial habit in our lives.
Setting a monthly budget and then reviewing it weekly has brought so much peace into our lives. We have alleviated so much stress over fighting about where the money went, verses planning together where it will go. We have control over our finances verses feeling like we are constantly surprised by every car repair or annual renewal.
I cannot recommend the app EveryDollar or the Dave Ramsey podcast, books and courses highly enough. They will change your life….for the better.
