Category: December Tip Series

Day: 20

Spoke: Career

Habit: Daily Big 3

Honestly guys, I don’t think anything I’ve written about is my original idea. I am just a great copy cat. I’m a hungry student who has an insatiable appetite for more knowledge, and I find great people to follow. So, this idea is not something I came up with. It’s a habit that Michael Hyatt centers a lot of his teaching around, and I have found it works very, very well for me.

I’ve only been doing it a couple months so I still haven’t mastered it on the daily, but the days I use it go so much better.

Each day, I select my top 3 most important tasks. These are NOT the most urgent. They are the most important.

My day is filled to the brim with urgent. People who want me to respond to emails, return phone calls, answer questions and meet their deadlines. However, my full time job is managing a long list of projects for a non-profit. If I am not intentional, I can get behind the 8-ball on my projects because I’m doing the busy work in front of me (like emails) or doing my piece of the pie on other people’s projects so they meet their deadlines.

For the third quarter this year, I purchased the Full Focus Planner and part of using this planner requires that each day you select your top 3 priorities of the day. These are things that YOU must move the needle on to keep all your other goals on target.

I have found that by doing this, other people’s priorities get put on the back burner but my priorities are getting accomplished. And here’s the funny thing about the urgent items, they always find a way to get done. Either you figure out how to squeeze it in or someone realizes you can’t give it the quick attention and they do it themselves or find someone else to do it.

I’ve also found that with this habit, I may also push myself that extra little bit at the end of the day because I see the clock and know my window is closing but these things are still sitting undone.

Today something urgent and unexpected popped up at the end of the day and consumed my last hour. I was frustrated because only 1 of my 3 priorities was done and it was 5:00. But because I had written these tasks down and committed to getting them done so the ball keeps moving on the projects, I just put in the extra half hour. If I had not clearly defined them already, then they may have just been forgotten.

Realistically, I’m probably doing this two or three days a week. However, I’ll get to five or six eventually. This is how all my habits form. I would love to just make a decision and then do the new thing every single day but I don’t. It’s outside the comfort zone. It’s not in the rhythm. I have to spend a period of time in the development stage where I’m remembering sometimes and forgetting other times until the habit sticks long enough that it’s effortless.

There will come a time in the future where there is no trying. I will just not even think about it and will effortlessly jot my three things at the top of the page every morning. It will be as simple as remembering to brush my teeth. But right now, I’m in the messy middle. I’m loving the habit and trying to practice it as much as I can remember to while I stretch outside my comfort zone.

Day: 19

Spoke: Personal

Habit: No news is good news

I don’t watch the news. Nope. Not ever. If I’m out somewhere else and it comes on, I can’t even tolerate five minutes of it before I have to walk out of the room.

This habit allows me to maintain peace in my life. It keeps my stress levels low and helps me concentrate my energy on the things I can control, verses having my mind worrying about things I can’t do anything about. Not to mention, the news tends to focus on the 5% that’s wrong with the world, and I’m more interested in the 95% of the world that is beautiful and good.

You see, I majored in mass communications. I have a bachelors degree in it. I have many, many friends deeply engrossed in the industry. The industry is broken and deeply disturbing. I know that they pay their bills by viewership statistics. The more eyeballs they capture, the higher dollar value their ads can sell for. They depend on you staying glued to your TV to make payroll.

However, Americans tend to watch the most news when there is drama. So the news has become what is called “sensationalized.” The more outrageous the headline, the more likely you are to click on it. The more dramatic the story, the more likely you are to leave the TV on to hear updates. They more sensational they keep the news, the more money they make.

I make a very intentional effort to not have drama in my life. I’m not going to invite it into my home.

Some of you may be tempted to think that I would just prefer to bury my head in the sand and deny reality. I beg to differ with you. When you compare us to the scope of history we are living in one of the most peaceful times in the history of humanity. But where are the headlines blasting that? It doesn’t make as great click bates as the latest tragedy or political disagreement.

Despite popular belief, things keep getting better. Now granted, if we want to keep it this way we need to take some drastic measures to repair our relationship with the earth and counteract climate change, but regarding the role of violence, we’re okay guys. Statistically speaking, more than any other time on earth, you and your kids are probably going to be fine.

When I keep the news out of my life, I am happier. I am able to give all my attention to the things I can control and influence. I still remain an informed member of society, but I don’t need the 24 news cycle to help me with that.

To put it simply, there’s too much information. Between TV, social media and other online platforms, we are being bombarded with more than we can take in. My recommendation is to become an expert on your own life and your own community and focus your energy on what you can do to make it better.

Think global. Act local.

I chose to turn off the TV and take an active role in improving my life, improving my family and improving the community where I live. Everybody wins.

Day: 18

Spoke: Spiritual

Habit: Everything is Spiritual

I believe we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. There is something about the human soul that transcends vocabulary words and science. It’s an encounter with the Divine that cannot be explained.

I love the Albert Einstein quote, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

I choose the latter. There are miracles every single day all around us if we slow down enough to appreciate them.

If you’re struggling to see any right in front of you then how about the fact that we’re floating around on a giant ball that is orbiting at precisely the right measurement because if it were slightly off we would either freeze or burn.

Have you ever sliced your finger open and then witnessed over the coming days and weeks how it proceeds to heal itself. It wows me every time.

My husband and I created these children. It’s absolutely insane. My body knew how to create a heart, lungs and a brain.

The cells that once made an ocean, a tree, or a bird are now the cells that make me. All of it is always moving and recreating. We are all connected at the source. It’s stunningly beautiful. I am humbled and in awe of creation anything I get out of my head and pause to recognize that everything happening around me is spiritual. And it’s stunning.

Just as it is beautiful, it can also be painful. That guy yelling at you in traffic because he struggles with road rage, he’s not mad at you. He’s hurting and you are the easiest target to blame right now. The person rude to you in the grocery store, most likely, is hurting at a deeply, painful spiritual level and doesn’t know how to heal. When you see that it’s all spiritual, it’s so much easier to extend grace.

If we start watching the world with our hearts instead of our eyes, we can see that everything is spiritual.

Day: 17

Spoke: Physical

Habit: Eating Whole Foods

If you have been my friend on social media for the last 8 years, then you know I have been very vocal about food choices and ingredients. It’s for a simple reason. When I cut out processed foods and just eat whole foods, I feel so much better. And newsflash, this happens to everyone.

After eight years of this lifestyle, I have discovered what does and doesn’t work for me. Here’s what has failed miserably for me: food shaming.

Oh, I’ve done LOTS of it over the years. Food shaming is where you place heavy judgement on a particular food and then feel guilt or shame if you consume it.

What I have found works best for me is to follow the joy. I feel so much better when I eat whole foods. I define that as things the earth grows: fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, oats, rice, meats (though I only buy certain quality), etc.

When it comes to processed foods, I ask myself “how will this make me feel?” Sometimes it’s empty calories I’m eating out of boredom or stress. It will offer me no nutritional value and increase my likelihood of feeling lethargic. Other times, it will bring me joy.

I work hard at saying no when the craving is out of boredom or emotional eating. And I work hard at not shaming myself when saying yes is out of pleasure.

Tiramisu at the end of a date night brings me joy. A martini and great conversation with a friend is such a pleasure for me in life. Enjoying ice cream with my daughter makes me smile.

I’ve tried living in a world of extremes where I cut out the foods that aren’t healthy and it ends up not going well for me. I end up treating food like a light switch where I turn on healthy habits to lose some weight, burn out my ability to deprive myself of pleasure, and then indulge a few weeks later and put it all back on in five days.

I had to find something more sustainable for me, and this habit works very well. I choose whole foods every chance I get. I intentionally seek out opportunities to add more vegetables to my plates and snacks. I pass on unhealthy choices when eating them is just because. And I gladly say yes when eating the treats will bring joy to an experience. This has become a sustainable lifestyle for me.

Today’s habit is going to be pretty short and sweet. 

Several years ago I started writing down quotes that directly addressed a habit I was working to change. Most of the time, the change happens by changing a perspective or belief in the mind. So every morning and night while I brush my teeth I read my quotes. They help keep me focused, grounded and moving towards the life I want to create. 

Day: 15

Spoke: Bonus (Philanthropy)

Habit: Aligning Strengths and Service

The Ziglar Wheel of Life has 7 spokes. Over the last two weeks I have written about habits in my life I’ve created for each of these spokes. However, following Michael Hyatt’s Living Forward book, I realized I have an eighth spoke that when neglected, my wheel doesn’t spin. That spoke is philanthropy.

I have had seasons of my life where I turned everything inward and just focused on my personal well being, my family and my career. During those times I felt a void that I couldn’t define. Eventually, I realized that in order for me to thrive, I needed to be actively giving back in my community.

Having community is an essential part of life. Whether you find your community through church, organizations, a club, a sport, a hobby or something else, we have an innate desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. Over the years, I have been involved in many different communities and filled my calendar with saying yes to anything someone asked me to do that I had a skill set to help…until I reached total burn out.

What I learned was that if I am going to give back to my community, it needs to be on my terms. I needed to find sustainable ways to contribute that were going to fit my family’s needs, my work schedule, and catered to my strengths. My top 5 strengths (using results from the Strengths Finder test) are Activator, Arranger, Connectedness, Futuristic, and Strategic. Ya know how some people despise meetings and just want to get to the front line and get the work done? Yeah, not me. Haha! I love the meetings. My brain is constantly spinning with ideas of how to make the future better. I love figuring out how to get the right people in the room together to make it happen.

So, let’s apply that to the non-profit space. I’ll use a hypothetical example. Rather than volunteering for a shift to work in a soup kitchen, my hour of time will benefit the homeless 100-fold if I use it to sit in a room and discuss ideas of how to make sure the organization is still here serving soup and growing in 5 years, making valuable connections in the community to help get resources, and brainstorming how to make the operations more streamlined. In the past, if someone asked me to help in the soup kitchen on the front line I would say yes because I could. Why not? Anyone could do that and it sounds like a great way to give back. However, just because it’s great doesn’t mean it’s the best place for me.

Over the last few years I have looked for holes in the community that were not being met and used my strengths to fill them. In my previous post on the career spoke I mentioned the strengths finder test. This is another great way to use those results. If you understand your unique abilities then you can not only use them to discover the best fit for you at work, but you can also use it to discover how you can best serve others.

Day: 14

Spoke: Family

Habit: Prioritizing Sundays

In our family, Sundays are sacred. You will very rarely see us posting on Instagram with #sundayfunday. In our world, Sundays are for being at home.

We are a family of two full time working parents and small children in full time school and childcare. We have found the rhythm of the week works best when we have one day where we are home. For mom and dad, it’s filled with laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping and meal prepping. For the kids, it’s time to play with their toys and time to be bored.

That last one is actually really important to me. My five year old is allowed to play on her tablet using the approved apps before we wake up (this is how we sleep in) and then it has to be put away for breakfast. That’s it for screen time for the day. We want her to have time to be bored and be forced to get creative. Her defaults are swinging on her swing set, playing in her art station and dressing up to put performances on for us.

Most weeks my husband does the grocery pickup right after breakfast and then cooks two or three large meals that we eat off the rest of the week. On the week days, we pull in the driveway around 5:30, which is also the same time we have to eat dinner to keep the kids on the schedule that works best for their sleep cycles. So for us, dinner is a quick reheating of leftovers.

If we do not prioritize these sacred Sundays, then the rest of the week is chaos. That 5:30 arrival means we are just beginning dinner or possibly having to swing by the grocery store in between work and home. It means we may not have the clean clothes we need for work or school when we go to get ready.

We used to live that way and it was constant stress. Everyday at 4pm the discussion was:

“what are we going to eat for dinner tonight?”

“I don’t know. What do you want?”

“I don’t know. I just want food and a plan.”

“How about ______?”

“No….I was hoping for something healthy. How about _____?”

“We don’t have [insert ingredients] so we can’t make that”

And so on. You get the point. Every. Single. Day. We had this same conversation leaving both of us frustrated.

Fast forward to now, we have that conversation one time. On Saturday evenings. We put in the grocery pick up order and all the meals are set for the week. And because I know someone will ask, no, we can’t find all our ingredients on Wal-Mart pick up so there’s usually another store he has to pop into. When Brandon is gone, I’m not a Wal-Mart fan so I just load the kids into the car and spend a couple hours at Target. It’s more expensive but it’s usually the only place where I can one-stop shop for everything on my list. Ours is next door to a Bulk Nation, which also has a lot of great options.

For years I would fill Sundays with plans and commitments. I saw a blank spot on my calendar and I would say yes and fill it.

Now when I get an invite for something on a Sunday, I get a pit in my stomach, and I try to figure out the best way to politely say no. It’s not that I don’t deeply love the opportunities in front of me, it’s that I know my entire family will pay for it the rest of the week if I say yes.

Are there exceptions? Of course. Just last weekend my husband and I said yes to an invitation that involved us both being gone four hours on a Sunday afternoon. But the yes was very calculated and only chosen because he happened to have a work schedule that would allow him on Monday to do all the things while we were gone. We just had to have enough food and laundry to make it through Sunday night and Monday morning and then we would be reset.

I’m writing this post on a Sunday and he had to work today. I had to navigate through four no’s. It’s the holiday season. There were two Christmas parties, a dear friends birthday celebration, a special event at church, a friend had a baby I want to visit and another friend is in from out of town. I want so badly to say yes to it all. But with Brandon working, I’m the only hope for the family to have food and clothes tomorrow. So here I am, typing up my blog on the couch in my pajamas while the baby naps, and I listen to the background noise of my daughter singing karaoke, the washer refilling, the dryer spinning and the dishwasher rinsing. After my short break on this comfy couch it will be right back to cleaning up the lunch mess and solving small child crises.

Day: 13

Spoke: Career

Habit: Persistent Consistency

In the book Choose to Win, Tom Ziglar talks a lot about PC. But it’s not in the context we’re used to hearing it (politically correct or personal computer), he’s referring to persistent consistency. It’s the secret to success in any spoke on the Wheel of Life. Making the decision that you are going to consistently perform a habit and persist in doing it even when it gets hard.

Early in our relationship my husband and I made the decision that we were going to be dreamers and then fight relentlessly to make them happen. He figured out his dream first, to be a Director of Photography in the feature film industry. About five years after him, I finally figured out my dream was to be a coach. The paths to our dreams for both of us were messy, unpredictable and filled with highs and lows.

I’ve developed a hobby of listening to the stories of successful people who achieved their dreams to discover the common threads. Without fail, there is always the pattern of “I got this idea in my head and had a vision of where I wanted it to go. It turns out it was much harder to make it happen than I realized, but I never let go of my dream. I was determined and I just kept taking the next step to get there. After a few lucky breaks and a thousand obstacles with a couple major failures, I arrived.” You can insert almost anyone’s success story into that template.

As I type this blog post, I am driving down the interstate (in the passenger seat) to a premiere for a movie my husband was the Director of Photography. This morning I did a strategy session with a new client and enrolled her in the 12-week Choose to Win Program. He’s shooting and I am coaching. We did it.

Twelve years guys. Twelve years of persistently showing up every day taking steps to create the life we want so we could both do our dream jobs. We are finally here.

What is your dream? What vision do you have in your future that you’re so committed to you are willing to be persistently consistent in fighting to make it a reality?

Day: 12

Spoke: Personal 

Habit: Understanding Self-Love

I’m so grateful that self love is getting more and more attention.

The first time I ever heard the concept of putting yourself as a priority above everyone else in your life was by Michael Hyatt in 2011 in his “Creating Your Life Plan” workbook. He discussed the “put on your oxygen mask first so you can then help others” philosophy. At that period in time I wasn’t anywhere on my own priority list. I felt guilty for the 30 minutes it took me to get ready each morning and didn’t know how to make that time more productive. Everyone else’s needs and my work consumed ALL of my time.

After running myself into the ground time and time again, I realized it wasn’t optional, but necessary, for me to figure out how to make myself the top priority in my life, second only to God. Yep. Above the husband and above the kids. A healthy version of mom is much more useful to them then any other scenario. 

I’ve heard multiple people think self care equals making time for facials and manicures. I mean…sure, those are self-care. But those are really low on my life on the most important self care. I can go without those items.

Here are my self-care habits that make it possible for me to stay in a healthy state mentally, physically and spiritually so I can care of others:

Proper sleep 

Scheduled rest time 

A day a week where I don’t leave my house 

Incorporating lots of whole foods, especially veggies, into my day 

Spending time with people who give me life 

Unfollowing accounts on social media that make me feel yucky inside or cause me stress 

Not watching the news 

Waking up before anyone else in the house 

Soaking in the bathtub 

Meditating 

Being involved in organizations that I love

Scheduling regular checks ups with the doctor, chiropractor and dentist

There are so many ways for us to love on ourselves. What do you do?

Day: 11

Spoke: Financial

Habit: Debt is not an option

I opened my first credit card when I was 18 years old. I was told I needed it to “build my credit.” I went to Best Buy and financed the purchase of a digital camera with all the accessories. I was so proud of myself and felt so adult for making such a wise move. And the habit was created.

Have more month left at the end of the money? Put some stuff on a credit card.

Can’t pay $21,000 cash for the brand new car you want? Take out a 5 year loan.

Don’t have the money for private school college tuition for your husband? Sign here for a student loan.

Want to start a business and can’t afford all the equipment? Borrow some money to get off the ground quicker.

What makes me feel the most stupid about all of it is that when we went totally broke in 2013 due to some bad timing on some business decisions, we moved in with my parents 7 months pregnant because we couldn’t afford rent. When I look back, we COULD have afforded to support ourselves but we had $1,300 per month in minimum payments on debts. I was so afraid of “destroying my credit” that I never once missed a credit card minimum payment, but we couldn’t support our family.

Unfortunately, we didn’t learn the lesson for three more years. We would make progress, pay a bunch of debt down, have an expected expense pop up and throw it on a card. We were using our business credit card for every business transaction so we could “get the points.”

Studies have shown that when you’re putting it on a credit card and not using cash or debit, you spend 12% more money. Emotionally, it doesn’t hurt as badly to let go of the money.

In September 2016 I started listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast. That fall we started using the app and setting a monthly budget together, but I was still so afraid to part with that business credit card. By January, I knew we needed to go “all in” on Dave’s plan. We didn’t have the guts to cut the cards up, but we did take them out of our wallets and hide them in the house. That was January 2017 and we haven’t swiped a credit card since.

We saved up our starter emergency fund and have been cash flowing every unexpected expense since then. We’ve paid cash for two vehicles. Thanks to the monthly budgeting, we’ve have money sitting in the checking account ready to go for most of the home, auto, medical and life expenses that have come up. We just plan better.

Twice in the last year the temptation was there to finance something.

The first was on an airplane. They have a direct flight from where we live to where my in-laws live and I SO DESPERATELY wanted to sign up for the airline credit card and use it for our purchases so I could earn a free flight, but my hubby talked me out of it. The risk was not worth the reward.

And then the second time was when I was researching coaching schools. The two I liked the most were both $18,000, which we didn’t have in savings. I wanted to justify financing them like people do secondary education, but I just heard Dave’s voice. “If you feel stuck with a situation that debt is your only choice then that just means you haven’t researched enough options. There’s always a solution that avoids debt.” I patiently waited and kept researching more schools. Like magic (but I just credit God) the Choose to Win coaching program crossed my path a couple months later and was a MUCH BETTER fit for the type of coaching I wanted to do AND was a price point I could cash flow.

My husband and I have just made the decision as a couple that debt isn’t an option for us.

If you still believe in debt as a way to build wealth, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book Everyday Millionaires. You’ll find that being debt free is one of the most common lifestyle choices people have in common that retire with at least a $1 million net worth or greater.

If you’re currently in debt and looking for a way out, I cannot recommend Dave Ramsey highly enough. A few good places to start are his book The Total Money Makeover, his podcast, or his course Financial Peace University.

Wanna hear something funny….everything he teaches goes right back to developing the right habits. Maybe there’s something to this habit thing, huh?