Category: Self-Care

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Clothes Matter

I recently changed my belief system around clothes.

For all of my life, I believed that caring about clothes meant valuing material possessions.

However, the more I learn about everything it takes to release our favorite selves into the world, I realize that clothes do matter. A lot.

The reason they hold so much power is because they impact how we feel about ourselves. They impact how we look at ourselves in the mirror. They impact what message we are sending into the world.

I’m not here to tell everyone to head down to Nordstrom’s and get a new suit or the most on-trend outfit.

The power of our clothes is actually a reflection of the power of our feelings.

Our thoughts determine our feelings. Our feelings determine our behaviors. Our behaviors determine our results. Therefore, manage your thoughts and your results will follow.

Imagine the difference in how you feel when in:

A. Pajamas someone gave you at Christmas 7 years ago. They’re in a color you don’t like, faded, but oversized and so very comfortable. You put them on whenever you feel frumpy or lazy. It’s your message to yourself that today is a frumpy day.

Or

B. You picked out the comfiest, softest pajamas ever in your favorite color from your favorite store. You feel so warm and cozy when you wear them.

In both scenarios, you are comfortable. But in one you feel frumpy about yourself, and in the other you feel cute. How you feel about yourself will go on to impact your mood that day and how you communicate with those around you. You’re sending different messages to yourself and therefore will show up differently to others.

This translates to every room we ever enter. If you feel confident in your clothes, you will speak with confidence. If you feel insecure in your clothes, you will be distracted by the thing that’s bothering you and be less present in the moment.

I’ve taken slack for my entire adulthood that I wear too much black. I have tried to compensate with colors and patterns. Every time I wear something that doesn’t feel authentic to me, I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s clothes from their closet. I’m not the most radiant version of myself because part of me feels out of place.

Several months ago, I purged my closet of all the patterns. It’s now entirely blacks, whites and solids. I purged every pair of workout pants that weren’t solid black. Now, every time I get dressed, I look in the mirror and think, “Ahhhh…..that’s me!”

I found that I needed a filter to sort my closet. My clothes all needed to make me feel:

Confident

Comfortable

Polished

Keep in mind, we each may have our own definitions of these words. I will still wear stilettos, just not the ones that squeeze my toes.

I have friends and clients that have used the same process, but picked different words for their filters. Some I’ve heard are:

​

Strong

Chic

Bad-ass

Approachable

Radiant

Vibrant

Powerful

​

Only you can determine your words for how you want to feel about yourself.

​

My challenge to you is to start noticing how you feel about yourself when you wear certain pieces. If they don’t bring out your favorite version of yourself, however you may define that, release them from your closet. Whether you donate them, sell them, give them to a friend or throw them away, I don’t care. Just get them out of your life if you don’t like how you feel about yourself when you wear them.

How YOU FEEL is the ONLY opinion that matters.

If you want to regularly walk through life feeling like your favorite self in every aspect, schedule a call with me.

I can teach you how to discover that strong, inner confidence and create a life you love.

Sophia Hyde is a certified life coach. Her coaching program Release Your Favorite Self combines a digital course with 20 minute private coaching calls to help people create the life changes they desire.

Connect with Sophia on Facebook or Instagram.

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The Courage to be Disliked

Recently, I read something in a book that has rocked my world. 

Out of ten people, two will love you, one will dislike you, and seven won’t pay attention to you. Focus on the two that love you, not the ones that dislike you or the seven who don’t care. (Paraphrased idea from a book I read, The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi.)

This may surprise some of you, but despite my strong and assertive personality, I have always struggled with being liked. 

For example, people unfriending me on Facebook or unsubscribing from my blog or saying negative things about me when I am not around are often given way too much real estate in my mind. 

No one enjoys hearing they are disliked because it feels like a form of rejection. At the heart of being human is a deep desire to feel loved. It takes a concerted effort to become comfortable with hearing over and over again that people don’t like you. Being a bold, outspoken female, I’ve heard it regularly since elementary school.  

Remembering that no matter who I am or what I do, 10% of people will not like me, and seven are never going to care, makes it significantly easier for those comments to roll off my back. 

When my insecurities sneak up on me, I redirect my attention to the twenty percent. 

If I approach every room I walk into, or every post I make on social media, or every email I send out as an attempt to just reach the 2 in 10, life becomes so much easier. 

The other beautiful side of this mindset is that it helps to remove the temptation of focusing on myself. When I have insecure thoughts or take actions (or inactions) out of my fear of what others will think, I am completely and exclusively focused on myself.

However, when I constantly remind myself that my only desire is to serve those 2 in 10, then I can give all my energy and attention to the people I am trying to help. 

May we all learn to release the 10% of people who will never like us no matter what, and to release the 7 in 10 who just see us as another warm body in the room. Instead, may we all double down on serving that 20% who is asking for more of what we offer in the world. 

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When Self-Care Doesn’t Look the Same

We hear all about self-care, but too often it’s misconstrued with pampering. Pampering can be self-care, but it is not always.

For example, my husband hates massages because he cannot stand when people touch him. Personally, I do not like the smell of a nail salon, it gives me a headache.

Self-care comes in the form of prioritizing the things that can restore your energy, which looks different for every person. For an introvert, this may look like time alone. For an extrovert, like myself, self-care involves prioritizing time with my friends and community groups.

There was a period in my early motherhood where I thought being a great mom meant focusing only on my business and my family. I resigned from different positions I held and scaled back on all the “extras” in my life so that I could give all my energy where it mattered most.

In retrospect, this was a terrible decision. My husband says it was the hardest period in our 16 year relationship to be married to me.

After about two years of this lifestyle, a friend invited me to attend a community group. I had an amazing time, started plugging in and began meeting new, like-minded people. It was like I came back to life.

I felt re-energized, excited and more myself than I had in years.

So over the next year, I looked for areas of interest in my community where I could plug in and start using my strengths to give and contribute. I felt whole again.

For some people, this would be the opposite of self-care. They are already giving and doing so much that self-care may look like staying home. Or it may look like pouring your energy into an idea you have been wanting to birth. Maybe self-care is learning to say no to spending time with the people who are leaving you feeling drained, and instead finding ways to spend more time around the people who bring you joy.

Don’t get me wrong, my self-care still involves at least a weekly long bath because I love them. I block time for my exercise, taking care of my aesthetic appearance (this could be an entire blog post for another day of what this means to me), and having quiet time at home with my thoughts and my rituals.

To be honest, self-care has really found its way into every single area of my life and dominates my day.

I like to think of self-care as the difference between a colander and a bowl.

If the kitchen sink is running water, a colander is when my self-care is empty and drained. No matter how much I take in, too much is going out. A bowl is where as the self-care comes in, I am able to hold onto so much of it that not only do I feel full, but I am giving in abundance. The sides of the bowl are running over.

When most of my life revolves around the things that give me energy instead of exhaust me, and I am making sure that I feel well-loved and cared for by my own actions, then I have so, so, so much energy to share.

Take care of yourself today friends. Be a bowl.

Much love,

Sophia Hyde

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Are you too much?

Have you ever been told you are too much of something? 

I’ve been told this my entire life. 

You are too loud. Too talkative. Too bossy. Too bold. Too smart. Too honest. Too intimidating. Too committed. Too energetic. Too passionate. Too serious. Too busy. 

I was a lot of too many things. 

I don’t recall any insecurities prior to around the eighth grade. That was really the turning point when my “too muchness” started costing me opportunities and relationships. Prior to that, my parents had managed to prop me up with an incredible amount of confidence. 

When I was the fattest kid in my class in the fifth grade and someone didn’t like me, my mother told me it was because I was too pretty and they were jealous of me. Part of me knew it sounded ludicrous, but part of me also thought there was a chance it could be true, so I just kept on strutting along. 

As middle school, high school, and entering the workforce as a strong female will do, comments wore me down. Rarely were they one thing said by one person. It was the subtle messaging here and there. It was much more comparable to trimming with a nail file rather than a fingernail clipper. Bit my bit, my spirit was worn down by believing a story that if I were to be successful, I needed to conform to the energy in the room. 

Have you heard the reference, “when you stay silent to keep the peace, you start a war within yourself.” That was me.

I spent much of my twenties at war with myself. I was in a constant battle of trying to figure out what the world wanted from me, how I truly wanted to show up, and what relationships I was willing to lose if my brightness was too blinding. 

There are two catalyst moments that occurred closely together that allowed me to see just how far I had allowed myself to shrink.

One was driving down the road listening to the audiobook version of The Big Leap. (I wrote about the principles from that book in this post). Tears streamed down my face so uncontrollably I had to pull over to safely drive. When I learned what the “fear of outshining” was, I realized exactly why I had stepped back from the A+ version of myself, to preferring a B or second place in absolutely everything I did. God forbid I make someone around me feel uncomfortable. 

The second moment was a conversation on the couch with my husband. As calm and reserved of a man he is, when I said, “I just have to keep this part of myself hidden because it’s not worth the disruption,” he literally exploded. I have never seen him that angry, to this day. He was furious that I would settle for hiding myself from the world to maintain a balance of relationship that wasn’t serving me. 

Shortly after, I started showing up more as myself. I pinned to my bathroom mirror the quote from Brene Brown, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” It is still there today.

As I showed up in rooms, spaces, and online as my authentic self, people became uncomfortable. I wasn’t wrong in my assumption.

Online, I’ve been unfriended and unfollowed. 

In real life, I’ve watched people distance themselves from me. I’ve noticed the invitations that didn’t come my way anymore. Once, I even watched from a buffet line as someone started to sit at my table and then go find a new seat when they realized that was my purse. 

But do you know what else has happened?

Like a magnet, new people have come into my life. I have added some incredible friendships to my world.

For every one of the people I’ve lost, I’ve gained people who beam with excitement when I walk in a room because they’ve been waiting to tell me something. I have people sliding into my DMs and messenger who feel like I’m one of the only safe spaces for them to discuss something. And I have people hiring me as their coach because they know I am someone who can be trusted. 

Although those are great benefits, they pale in comparison to the peace that comes from knowing I am right where I belong. There is a joy unspeakable that occurs when we are living in our integrity. When we decide to love our story, love our past, love our strengths, embrace our weaknesses and thrive anyway…it’s priceless. 

I am raising a daughter. Since she was born I have guarded her from conformity. Every comment she brings home with how things “should” be, I override with choice. I allow her to show up as her full self. I find another room to step in to laugh when I find it hysterical. Like today, she proudly left for her third day of second grade wearing sparkling Minnie Mouse ears and felt gorgeous. 

I will spend the rest of my life guarding spaces for people to show up without judgement from me. I will make sure that all the people who have been handed a story of being “too much” for this world in one way or another will know they are safe to let their guards down when they are around me. 

May you always be too much of yourself.

———

Sophia Hyde is a certified coach who specializes in helping busy people release their favorite selves. She teaches a 10-week course that accompanies 20-minute coaching sessions to lead people through the process of defining what that looks like in their own lives. If you would like to schedule a complimentary strategy session to see if coaching is right for you, click here. 

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The phrase that won’t leave my mind

I heard this phrase the other day that I cannot get out of my mind.

Your favorite self.

It’s just three words, but the inferences of the phrase say so much more.

Phrases like “your best self” and “your potential” and “step into your greatness” have always left me feeling off. I have used them each countless times as I couldn’t find words in the English language to describe that gap between who we are and who we want to be.

The reality is, most of us feel a gap. A gap between here and something else. That something else has always been hard to define.

Ironically, what I have learned in my own growth, and by helping so many others, is that rarely ever is that gap something to be achieved or something to strive for in the distance.

In most cases, that gap is inverted. It’s the gap between who we truly are deep down and the version of ourselves we are presenting to the world.

Possibly, we are living a version of ourselves that school trained us to be, who we believed our friends admired, who our families raised us to be, who we saw idolized on the big screen. The stories in our minds of who we should be can come from so many places. But the reality of who we really are is something only we can uncover.

And that introspection, that depth, that unlearning, that awakening…THAT is what I want to see come alive in others. I want to offer a match to a flame that has just been sitting dormant, ready to be awakened.

That is your favorite self. The one who when you get a glimpse of her [or him or them], you beam with joy. The self that allows you to fully relax. The self you fear to show the world because vulnerability fills your veins when you imagine how people may respond to what they see.

Your favorite self is the one that allows you to live in peace, to tap into the flow all around you, to live the life that’s calling you.

Today, my wish for each of you is that you will release one more layer or story or roadblock that is standing in the gap between who you are today and your favorite self.

[If you think you may want a coach to guide you through this journey, click here for a link to a free strategy session. Options begin at $29/month] 

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They Just Need to Put on Sunglasses

Did you know that you have a glass ceiling of joy? That most likely YOU are self-imposing? Several years ago I read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. I had so many aha-moments that I have re-read it several times since. (And highly recommend it to everyone.) 

In his book, Hendricks says that we have all created a limitation for how much joy we feel worthy of experiencing, and unless we intentionally overcome it, we will always self-sabotage to keep ourselves within our comfort zone. 

One of the main things holding us back from experiencing more joy in life and achieving greater success is linked to our hidden barriers. 

I had an experience with bullying in the 8th grade. Losing all my friends at age 14 went on to fundamentally change how I interacted in the world. 

The short version of the story was that I was class president and editor-in-chief of the yearbook staff while continuously making straight A’s and achieving perfect attendance. Whereas I believed that the more successful and smart I was, the more people would like me, the reality was it had the opposite effect. 

A group of girls decided to use rumors to take me down. It became “cool” to not like Sophia and people would pretend I was invisible. The turning point was when a girl told me,

“I’m actually really smart, but I don’t let people know because people like to feel good about themselves. So if they think they’re smarter than me, they will like me more.” 

In that very vulnerable moment of my youth, I took her words as gospel. I tested it out and it worked. I applied it in high school and beyond, and it worked.

“Don’t be too successful and you will make everyone around you feel more comfortable.” 

It was Hendrick’s book that helped me to realize how this experience created a “fear of outshining” in me, and why for the rest of my life I continued to stay at just above mediocrity so as to not make others feel uncomfortable in my presence. 


I would love to say that 4 years later I have overcome this fear, but the reality is, I have not. It’s happening at such a subconscious level in me that it truly takes intention to recognize it and a conscious effort to push past it. I am a work in progress and constantly trying to remind myself that I am worthy of success. My comfort zone has become second place, and I am still trying to push past my fears and lean into my potential. 

What is your glass ceiling? How are you holding yourself back from your greatest potential? In Hendrick’s book he spells out the four hidden barriers:

Hidden Barrier One: Feeling Fundamentally Flawed: You feel that something is wrong with you.

Hidden Barrier Two: Disloyalty and Abandonment: This is a belief that achieving success essentially means you have to leave your tribe.

Hidden Barrier Three: Believing that More Success Brings a Bigger Burden. This fear will immobilize you because you believe that the life you create will burden others and triggers the emotion of guilt.

Hidden Barrier Four: The Crime of Outshining: You believe that if you become too successful you will make others look bad.

In 2016 when I listened to this book on Audible, I started weeping as I drove down the road and learned about the “crime of outshining.” I had suppressed that 8th grade memory, but I immediately knew I had internalized it. Ever since, I have been working on giving myself permission to shine brightly. I often encourage myself by saying,

“If my light makes them feel uncomfortable, then they just need to put on sunglasses.” 

What barrier is holding you back? Do any of the four listed above resonate with you? What fears do you actively have to overcome? 

Thanks for making it to the end of this blog post! Two options to keep going if you want more:

Looking to get from where you are now to where you want to be? Then I highly recommend downloading the free E-book from my site, “Coach Yourself in 10 Minutes.” Just drop your email below and it will be sent to you.

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Dear World…I Give Up

Dear World,

I give up. I give up trying to please you. You are absolutely impossible. You are full of contradictions and hypocrisies. I refuse to let you get under my skin anymore.

I refuse to be yelled at anymore for following my convictions.

I refuse to be belittled because I made a choice different than the one you wanted me to choose.

I will turn you off when you start making me feel like less of a woman, less of a mother, less of a human because I don’t see the world through your lens.

You see, as women, and especially mothers, we have been given so many mixed messages and contradictions that I cannot even keep up with them anymore.

Don’t let your kid have too much sugar, but also never deprive them of an opportunity to “just be a kid” so I will make you feel guilty every time you decline the free sugar being thrown in their face everywhere you go.

Here are 1,000,000 ways to lose the weight and get into shape immediately but also love yourself just as you are and you don’t need to listen to what society says about your body…except for that here’s all the health risks for not having an exercise and food plan that is on point…but YOLO so eat the tiramisu.

Post all the pics of your kids. We love them so much. It makes the world brighter. Don’t post any pics of your kids, you’re invading their privacy and subjecting them to the risk of being on a porn site.

You’re a horrible human if you don’t follow the CDC schedule for vaccinations for a baby but also, here’s all the potential side effects and risks that inherently come with injecting something foreign into your small child.

Do whatever it takes to get your child into the most affluent school you can afford, or the best public school that you can afford the real estate to get into the district. But oh, all the parents abandoning neighborhood schools are ruining the public education system and causing education inequality.

Never let your child out of your sight but don’t be a psychotic helicopter parent.

Here is every book, podcast, Pinterest board, magazine and documentary on how to organize your house and keep it clean, but also don’t be OCD and stressed out over a messy house.

Dear society, you told me to aim for the sky and dream of being whatever I wanted when I grew up and aspire to climb the highest mountains. Then you shamed me when I wanted to follow those aspirations and be a mother too. I was apparently supposed to sacrifice all of that to be a “good mom.” And you shamed my friends when they decided they were so dedicated to those dreams they didn’t want to be a wife or a mother. So which is it?

2020, I can’t with you anymore.

You want me to stand up for what is right except when it isn’t want you want to hear. Apparently that doesn’t apply when we have a difference of opinion on what “right” looks like, or more realistically, how to get there.

So I’ve decided…I dissent.

I will beat to my own drum. I will live a life that requires no one’s approval. I will begin each day in my quiet meditation with my God. I will discuss my decisions with my partner because my choices affect his life. But everyone else is optional.

I don’t care if my presence makes you feel uncomfortable.

I don’t care if what you thought was best for your kid is different than what I thought was best for mine.

I don’t care if my clothes choices aren’t in style right now. I literally could not care less what Instagram influencers are wearing in their feeds.

I don’t owe you any explanations.

To all my female friends, may you find the strength to mute the voices.

May you step into your greatness, without needing anyone’s approval.

May you find the joy and the peace that comes from showing up in this world with full authenticity.  

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson



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15 Self-Care Practices that are Essential for Working Moms

The personal spoke on the wheel of life is so important, yet is one of the most neglected for working moms. It’s so easy to lose ourselves in the needs of those around us. We give our best to our careers, make sure our children are fed, clothed, staying alive and then try to be a good partner. It can be utterly exhausting.

At what point are we supposed to take care of ourselves? Do you end most days feeling like the to-do list of demands is much longer than the hours in the day?

Well sister, I’m here to tell you, it’s not optional.

You cannot keep neglecting yourself. It will end up catching up to you in ways that are not pretty. Personally, when I have neglected my self-care, I’ve seen my body shut down, my ability to focus on any task deplete, my relationships get rocky and frankly, my attitude go down the drain. I can become quite cranky when I’m running on empty fumes.

How do you feel when your needs are neglected? Do you feel weak? Do you feel exhausted? Do you feel empty?

In contrast, how do you feel when all your needs are being met? Do you feel stable? Do you feel strong? Do you feel fulfilled?

Now, imagine caring for those around you from each of these places. When you are stable, strong and fulfilled, it’s rewarding to support others, provide for their needs and give. You’re able to give your best both at work and at home.

When you are already weak, exhausted and empty, trying to care for others is a burden you can hardly bare.

Stop what you’re doing right now and say out loud “It’s important that I take care of my needs first.”

How did that feel? Even now, when I say it, it feels uncomfortable.

Our culture has taught us that beliefs like this are selfish. There’s a lot our culture has gotten wrong, and this is one of them. This is the old airplane analogy. You have to put on your mask before you can help someone else with theirs.

The words “self-care” can often be associated with pampering, “me” time or other luxuries. While those things are nice, and they are self-care, there are several areas of self-care that are crucial to our well-being. I’ve compiled a list of 15 essential self-care practices:

  1. Setting boundaries around your time, energy and resources 
  2. Paying for professional help with a therapist, counselor or coach
  3. Staying home if you need to be alone 
  4. Making plans with friends if you need to be around others 
  5. Investing time with people who mirror back love
  6. Allowing yourself to grow apart from people who do not appreciate your worth or are toxic in your life
  7. Healing from your past 
  8. Extending grace to yourself for your mistakes 
  9. Sharing the stories that bring you shame with someone who is a safe space 
  10. Focusing on something that brings you hope 
  11. Finding a form of exercise you ENJOY doing
  12. Giving yourself permission to rest without attaching the word lazy to it
  13. Trusting your intuition 
  14. Taking a break from social media and/or the news
  15. Unfollowing accounts on your newsfeed that bring negativity into your spirit

These are just the tip of the iceberg in self-care practices, but they are a great place to start. When you read this list, was there one that jumped off the page to you? If so, drop a note in the comments and let me know. I’d love to hear what may have resonated with you.

Thanks for making it to the end of this blog post! Two options to keep going if you want more:

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When confidence is repulsive

During the quarantine I read Glennon Doyle’s latest release Untamed. There is so much to love about this book, but today I want to talk about these quotes:

“I have noticed that it seems far easier for the world to love a suffering woman than it is for the world to love a joyful, confident woman…

…I have been conditioned to mistrust and dislike strong, confident, happy girls and women. We all have…

…We become people who say of confident women ‘I don’t know, I can’t explain it—it’s just something about her. I just don’t like her. I can’t put my finger on why’…

…Their brazen defiance and refusal to follow directions makes us want to put them back into their cage.”

Raise your hand if this felt like a punch in the stomach to you? I highlighted the heck out of this chapter because I have not read many books where I resonated so deeply.

I have dealt with this my entire life. My mama raised all three of her kids to be confident. Whenever we would come home from school and tell her someone didn’t like us or wasn’t nice to us she would say “Oh, don’t worry about them. They are just jealous of you.” Every. Single. Time. We would roll our eyes and tell mama she was crazy, but you know those words sank into our subconscious.

Have I been walking around the earth thinking everyone is jealous of me? HAHA! Heck-to-the-NO!!! But, I have been walking around giving little to no energy toward what others think of me for a verrrrrrry long time.

My M.O. is that I get super attached to a mission I am on, and then I go get it done. Along the way I don’t play victim, I never ask for a pity party, I never give energy to someone else’s worries and concern, I just keep trail blazing.

At the end of my high school senior year I was offered the editor position for my local magazine, and I accepted. At 18 I was managing a staff of freelance writers who were mostly in their 40’s-60’s. It required learning curves for me and them, but my bosses (a husband and wife team) were always so encouraging. I ended up working for them for seven years and held several different positions in the company. One day I asked them “why on earth did you hire me at 18? I was a BABY!” He said ‘When you were 16 years old you called and asked to be a writer. Your very first writer’s meeting you showed up, took a seat, and believed you belonged at the table. You volunteered to write the feature, having no idea that was reserved for the senior writer, and when he dropped the ball on the deadline, you threw together a great piece in less than a week. We knew then we wanted to keep you around.”

I am forever grateful for my first “real” bosses and the potential they always saw in me. But other people, not so much. The same exact scenario from some of the other writers at that table were:

“Who the hell does she think she is just showing up and pitching ideas?”

“Where did she even come from…I’ve never heard of her. Who are her parents?”

“Well…that was bold. She has guts.” (With an eye roll)  

A year into that job several of the writers had overturned. Interestingly enough, I can distinctly remember two female writers who couldn’t handle my presence. The men were actually very kind, tolerated my youthful management learning curves and helped show me some ropes. But my very existence made multiple women uneasy and they left the publication.

In my twenties, this repeating experience deeply bothered me, and I would try to alter my personality to make other people feel more comfortable. When we live out of alignment with our authentic selves, this causes an inner war. I’ve written about this in the past. Eventually I had to just take off the lampshade and let my light be too bright for some people.

If you are a person who is “too much” for some, I want to encourage you to keep shining.

My husband is a feature film Director of Photography. This means he is a lighting EXPERT. He knows the science behind when and why you use every kind of light. He will intentionally dim, brighten, cool and warm up lights. He knows when he needs to bring out the green filters, orange filters, blue and so on. Every single shade, color and intensity is needed to tell a story.

Each. One. Matters.

If you happen to have a super confident and intense personality like I do, we are simply too bright for some people. I want to encourage you to shine at your highest settings. Just like the world needs the soft lights and the cool lights to help people feel comfortable, the world needs YOU to help inspire people outside of their comfort zones.

You do not need a lamp shade, sister. They need to go buy sunglasses.

It’s not your problem. It’s theirs.

Shine on. (As Glennon would say….you’re an effing cheetah.)

*Written by Sophia Hyde. Sophia is a certified life coach specializing in helping people create the peace they crave in their lives. Her 12 week course is currently open for enrollment and will close on May 25. There are three ways to participate: self-coaching, group coaching or 1:1 coaching. For more info, visit her website.

*To receive an email notification any time this blog is updated, subscribe by visiting the website and downloading her free e-book “Creating Peace.”

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I QUIT, and am proud of myself for it

I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a world that spoke this message into me over and over again:

————-

Quitting is not an option

Winners never quit

The only way to fail is to quit

————

So. Much. Quit. Shaming.

I have loyalty written into my DNA. When I decide I care about something, I am ALL IN. My family and friends know this about me. “Oh man….here she goes again…she’s got a new thing.” Once I’ve committed, I can be clingy.

I’ve been in the same relationship since I was 18. I’ve been using the same brand of skincare since I was 20…I’m 33. Our last three car purchases have all been the same brand, and we intend to keep it that way.

I struggle with quitting.

Some of the greatest suffering I have caused myself is not acknowledging when a seasonal friendship was ending. Aren’t all friends supposed to be for life? What is happening here?

Written into my core belief system is that you aren’t supposed to quit. Suffering is part of the experience. You just push through.

Well….at least it WAS part of my belief system. It is no longer.

A few years ago I had to make a decision to quit on a goal I was pursuing with all my might. I spent FOUR YEARS waking up every single morning with the same goal as my main focus. That is 1,460 days of my life that I pushed, pursued and refused to quit.

I had set a goal for a business I was growing and revolved everything in my life around that goal. Every. Thing. And I loved the pursuit. I loved the race. I loved the growth I went through.

Until one day I didn’t anymore.

It wasn’t actually one day. It was a gradual experience. Moment by moment, small experiences occurred that made me doubt if I was in the right alignment for my future.

I slowly came to realize I was on the wrong airplane. I had to get off.

Have you ever flown Southwest? I love their model. When you book your ticket it will tell you if it’s direct, 1 or 2 stops, or 1 or 2 transfers (Side note…who actually books the two transfer options? That just sounds awful. I always elect to give away more of my money to avoid that.)

I have done all three. Direct from Tampa to New Orleans with no interruptions. Easy, breezy experience. I’ve flown Tampa to Vegas and had to wait while we stopped in New Orleans for some people to get off, others to get on, and I just kept my bum parked in the seat. And then of course, I have had to get off at an airport that is not my destination and switch planes to get where I needed to go.

One isn’t right or wrong. They’re just the best option we have to get where we are going and the price we are willing to pay for it, right?

I came to realize the goal I set for myself was no longer the right fit. I had my eyes on the final destination, but the longer the flight went on, the more and more uneasy I felt. Something didn’t feel right.

And then one day, the plane landed at an airport, and I got off. I just exited. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t have the ticket for my next flight. I didn’t know my next destination. I just knew I had to get off that plane.

Have you ever been there?

UGH! That time at the layover airport is the actual worst, isn’t it? You’re not on the next flight, you’re not on the old flight. You’re just sitting. In a state you don’t want to be in. Disconnected from your bags. Not at home. Not at the new place. Just hanging out in limbo.

When I chose to walk away from a goal I was so tied to, it hurt.

The voices in my head told me I was a quitter.

The voices told me I might be making a giant mistake. But the louder voice told me the bigger mistake was going to be to staying on the wrong airplane.

I may have done it with a career goal, but I’ve seen lots of people around me do this too.

Have you seen someone walk away from a marriage and you’re totally shocked? How on earth could this be?!?!? But then five years later you see them with a new spouse and a new life and you go “Ohhhh….wow….THAT potential was sitting inside them and they knew it. They were matched with the wrong person. This person is such a better compliment to them. I’m so happy for them.”

But did you actually talk to them when they walked away? Were you actually happy for them when it was really ugly? The shame. The guilt. The comments people made. The criticism.

As of today, 2020, I’m on the next flight. I spent 2.5 years walking around the airport. Eventually, I figured out what city I wanted to go to, and then I had to find the right plane to get me there.

And I have to say….I am SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR QUITTING.

Now, am I telling you to let your kid quit two weeks into soccer practice because they decide they don’t like to run? Maybe. I don’t know that answer. I think what I am saying is “Maybe, maybe not.” Maybe they need to learn physical fitness, commitment, teamwork and some other lessons. Or maybe this was a terrible mistake and if you pivot quickly enough there is still a chance to grab a spot on the chess team that practices at the same time and is a much better fit.

Recently I hosted a free webinar event where I talked about how to live a peaceful life. Do you know what one of the most important components is? Being in alignment with yourself. Listening to that inner voice calling out that there is more than this. Listening to the voice telling you that maybe you are a square peg in a round hole. There is nothing wrong with square pegs or round holes, they just don’t align.

Dear friends, what I want you to hear today is that if you are misaligned somewhere in your life…

YOU

CAN

QUIT

There is no trophy for she/he who endures the most suffering. There is not a martyr prize for the one who is so loyal to something/someone else that they lose themselves.

If I had not gotten off the plane three years ago, I wouldn’t be here tonight investing in this blog and building this brand. I am on the right plane now. And it feels oh so good.

P.S. If you are reading this blog and you want to be notified when things like free webinars come along again, or you just want to get these posts delivered to your email inbox, then drop your email below. Oh! And BONUS…you’ll get a free e-book downloadable PDF when you do called “Creating Peace.” I wrote it just for you. I hope you enjoy it.

Until next time,

Sophia