In the last month I have bumped into five different people while running errands whom I haven’t seen in a long time. Each time they asked, “Ya stayin’ busy?”
And each time I responded with, “no.”
It stops the normal flow of conversation, so I will clarify,
“I am no longer interested in living a busy life. I want my life to be filled with the things I choose. And right now that looks like growing my business 25-30 hours a week, spending lots of time on my self-care and with my family.”
When I operate with a belief system that “I am busy,” then I am more likely to decline the invitations that matter most. I am more likely to skip a workout, decline an invite to have lunch with a friend, or think it’s necessary to stay up late.
Here’s the funny thing, if I want to feel busy, the invitation is sitting right there for me to reach out and grab the hustle.
Currently, I am a mom of two small kids with a husband who travels a ton for work. I am running a growing business where I am the sole employee, and I am heavily involved in five non-profits. Not counting my daughter being on the dance team and recently joining Girl Scouts. It would not be hard to return to my busy mindset.
I started accepting the busy mindset in the eighth grade. That’s when I first got addicted to the rush of being in tons of activities, over achieving academically and being at church every time the doors were open. The adrenaline hit from always running from one thing to the next became my life for the next twenty years.
Now that I am solely in control of my time and calendar, I am changing my mind.
We all have the power to change our minds.
I choose rest over staying up to reply to emails. I just don’t respond. I have literally thousands of unread emails. The most important ones get my attention during the small windows each day I am at a computer.
I choose time with my kids over an extra two hours a day of work. The work just rolls over to the next week.
I choose my morning workout over an extra hour of availability for appointments. They either happen 10:00-3:00 or they don’t happen.
My calendar is full. But it is mostly filled with my self-care and my family.
Sure, my business could possibly grow faster if I worked more hours. But many studies say the opposite. A study from Stanford University found that productivity decreased when employees worked too many hours. Some of the fastest growing companies (an example linked here) in America have moved to 30 hour work weeks. The more and more we learn about the benefits of a healthy work-life balance and proper self-care, it seems that a 6 hour work day is the most efficient. I am choosing to work a 4-5 hour work day because of the age of my children.
But it’s all a choice. If I CHOOSE to block my rest, family and self-care first and make everything else fit around it, then the most important things will get done.
Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to, and I am no longer participating.
Sophia Hyde is a certified life coach. Visit her coaching page to get access to her free mini-course “5-Minute Mental Reset.”
I’ve been asked by several different people to please share some tips about time management, so I finally decided to put some of my top tips to paper and publish them today. Here are some powerful ways to reduce stress, overwhelm and clutter in your life:
Step 1: Monday Power Hour
Schedule an hour with yourself every Monday (or Sunday if it works better for you) to plan your week. This is critical to getting everything out of your head, on to paper and keeping your priorities straight. This the MOST IMPORTANT hour and should be guarded and protected. If you skip planning your week, you will spend all your time in reactive mode.
Step 2: Brain Dump
Grab a blank sheet of paper and dump everything out of your mind that is floating around. Everything from important follow up calls, pressure washing the house, designing that presentation. All the things. Personal, family, work…all of it. Get it out of your head and on to paper.
I like to draw a quadrant and drop the tasks into the different components of my life to make time blocking easier. (Personal, Business Growth, Business Maintenance, and Community/Volunteer work are my four quadrants)
Step 3: Revisit Your Goals
Get out your goals. I encourage writing your goals annually and then breaking them down into quarterly habit changes you’re focused on. Revisit where you are on your annual and quarterly goals to see what needs to be done that week to keep the needle moving forward in the areas most important to you.
This step is so vitally important because if we do not have a structured method for reviewing our goals regularly, then they can easily fall by the waste side and be forgotten. Three months can pass by, and we look up and realize we have made no progress on that thing we said was most important to us in January.
Step 4: Block the Top Priorities
Get out your calendar. Block off the time for your top priorities first. Your rest, health, family time and pleasures should not take take a backseat to your to-do list. The to do list will always be growing and never be complete, so it’s important we don’t let it hold us back from creating the life we want to be living.
Step 5: Weekly Top 3
Once we block out our top priorities, it’s then time to go back to that brain dump of tasks. Pick a top 3 items. Which 3 items are the MOST IMPORTANT to get done this week. If nothing else happens this week to advance your goals, these THREE THINGS must be completed.
Look at your calendar and block off the day and time you are going to do these most important tasks. I try to put these into my Monday and Tuesday windows so that if an interruption or pivot comes, I have time to compensate later in the week.
Step 6: Schedule the Tasks
With your calendar still in front of you, look at the remaining tasks. Estimate how much time each of them will take you and then schedule an appointment with yourself in your calendar for when you will complete these tasks.
If you are like me, then you will discover that there probably isn’t enough time this week to get everything done on the list. Ask yourself, are there things that someone else can do? Can you ask for help or delegate anything? If not, acknowledge that you’re human and you need rest and pleasure so you cannot be productive 24/7.
You then have the option of rolling into the next week or two and scheduling the tasks for the future, or crossing them off the list and simply deciding they will not be done.
Step 7: Throw Away the To-Do List
Throw away the brain dump of tasks.
WHAT!?!?!? Yes. I’m serious.
Let your calendar be your guide. It will help you be efficient with your time, not drag things out longer than they need to be, and also recognize just how long something takes to get done. Over time, this habit will help you have a more realistic perspective of which things you can say yes and no to.
Step 8: Daily Top 3
Revisit your planner every single morning. My personal habit I have developed is to sit down with my planner, write my affirmations, write my top 3 goals I’m focusing on, and then pick a Top 3 for that day.
So I have a top three for the week, and a top 3 for the day. One of the items may be as simple as a phone call to schedule a doctor appointment or an email to a client that needs to get sent. However, I know that the day can very easily slip away, and I need to make sure I keep my eye on the top 3 tasks of each day.
In conclusion,
If you can create the habit of weekly brain dumping and turning all of your tasks into appointments on your calendar, you will be much more efficient with your time and be able to enjoy rest and relaxation in your life.
Sophia Hyde is a certified coach who specializes in helping busy people release their favorite selves. She teaches a 10-week course that accompanies 20-minute coaching sessions to lead people through the process of defining what that looks like in their own lives. If you would like to schedule a complimentary strategy session to see if coaching is right for you, click here.
After 30 years of being unable to consistently keep my house clean, I have managed for the last month to have a clean house every single day. It’s a trend I plan to keep (though I know there will be bad days, obviously), but the work it took to get here is not what I expected it would entail.
Last week I published the list that is keeping my family more organized. Today, I want to give you a behind the scenes look at what has been happening in my mind and the actions I took to create these changes.
Before I dive in, I want to explain why I wanted to create this change. Let me be clear, you can live a happy, fulfilling amazing life and live in a messy space. The cleanliness of your home and your worth/value in the world are NOT attached. You do what’s best for you. The reason I wanted to make this change was because the clutter and the mess were a constant source of stress for me.
Now that I am working from home, it was not sustainable for me to keep it messy. It was creating anxiety. I also found that it was very hard for me to create when the house was a disaster. Literally half my work week is content creation, so something had to give.
First and foremost, for years I have been studying life changes and chose the coaching certification program I did because it was based on five decades of studying sustainable life changes. Therefore, I already understood some core principles, which I applied to making these changes in my life. Before I started, I fundamentally understood that:
The best way to change your life is to change something you do daily
Focusing on ONE HABIT is more successful than tackling many at one time
Changing your thoughts and what you believe to be true are the best way to reclaim your power
Last week, I blogged about my list on the fridge. This tackled bullet points one and two above. I had to put on paper what needed to be done daily and then create the discipline to use that list as my guide.
For that last bullet point, the more we understand ourselves and the way our brains work, the more we can use this information to our advantage.
To give you a glimpse into what is beneath my surface:
I am a D on the DISC assessment , meaning my mind is HIGHLY task oriented
I am an Enneagram 7, meaning I love to follow my whims and am easily distracted
I have ADHD, meaning I legitimately forget things I start on a constant basis, and I have a tendency to hyper focus on projects that may or may not be relevant
Obviously, those are ridiculously shallow synopses of terms I used above, but those are the facets of the parts of me that manifest the most in how I do, or do not, keep a clean house.
In addition to understanding these things about myself, I also recently learned from a therapist that there are many reasons some people have a hard time keeping a house clean. ADHD is one of them, but another is the language they were raised with. This one was a HUGE “aha” moment for me.
I have literally been told my entire life that I am terrible at cleaning. Obviously there was probably some truth behind this, but the reality is, our brains absorb and believe what they are told. So since for 34 years my parents, siblings, husband and yes, even my 7-year-old daughter, have told me that I’m not good at keeping a clean house, I believed everyone. I accepted this as a truth about me.
The belief I held was that there are two types of people in the world: those who are good at cleaning and those who are not. And I believed that I am one of those people who are not.
It was about a month ago when I realized that it was highly possible that this was a programmed belief, and I may be able to change it. So I ran an experiment.
I decided to try on a new me.
I began to tell myself every single day that I am someone who keeps a clean house. I am someone who values and prioritizes living in a clean space.
It sounds so, so simple but inside it felt extremely strange. It felt like wearing someone else’s clothes to say those words to myself. I was trying on a new identity and experimenting what it felt like.
The list I published last week was birthed out of first changing what I believed about myself. I started with believing I was someone who lived in a clean house. Then, I asked myself “for this to be true, what needs to happen?”
I realized that many daily habits had to change, so I put them on paper.
The hardest part of all of it honestly was I had to prioritize and accept the reality of how much time it takes. Adding steps into my morning and evening routine meant there wasn’t as much room for other things.
For me, those changes manifested in two ways. The phone had to go. I cannot check my phones in the mornings or evenings. Even for 5 minutes. That little notification can derail me. That five minutes I took to reply to a DM was the 5 minutes I needed to use to put away everything sitting on the kitchen island.
I also have to go to bed earlier so that I can wake up earlier. My “put the kids to bed and then unwind with scrolling” doesn’t fit anymore. And I’ll be honest, it’s hard for me. I am training myself that I cannot sit on the couch and relax until my list is done. Often times the conversation I have in my brain sounds exactly like my battles with my 7 year old. “BUT I DON’T WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and then I remind myself, “Sophia, you are someone who values keeping a clean house. This means that before you sit down you need to finish your list.”
Here’s the hard truth guys, I’m going to complain either way. Have you ever heard that saying that life is just about picking which pain you most want to avoid? I don’t get the option of avoiding pain. I am actively choosing which pain is worse. The pain of doing my chores when I am tired and don’t feel like it or the pain of waking up in the morning and feeling overwhelm everywhere I look.
In case you didn’t read last week’s post, please note that one of the greatest benefits of publishing the list on the fridge is that it empowers my family and everyone is helping to contribute to the work more, and I decreased my mental load. So the reality is, we are ALL powering through doing more of what we don’t feel like doing. I want to make it clear that I am not carrying the burden of the house alone.
Until we can afford to hire a maid to come and clean up after the family every day, we don’t get the option where we get to both have a clean house and not have to do the work even when we don’t want to.
The last thing I want to touch on today is grace. As you read this blog, please meet yourself where you are. When I worked full time 45-50 hours outside of the home with a five year old and a newborn, keeping a clean house simply WAS NOT AN OPTION. Changing thought work and habits was irrelevant information. It was survival mode to keep everyone fed, clothed and where they needed to be each day. The only goal I could aim for was to not have filth. Getting dinner cleaned up so no food sat out was the only goal I could aim for and often times I fell short.
The reason I moved this goal up to the top of my list right now is because I am in a season of my life where I am the only thing standing in the way. I work from home. I have a less than five minute commute to drive the children to childcare and about half the time I have the support of a second parent to help carry the load.
Please, take in all this information with a grain of salt and honor yourself with where you are and what is realistically attainable for you. Every single day from 6:00-8:30am and 5:00-8:00pm we are dedicating to the daily habits on those lists. It takes 5-6 hours of my day EVERY SINGLE DAY to take care of my family’s needs, my needs, and keep it tidy. If you do not have the time for how it would translate in your life, then find the most realistic habits to bring you peace of mind that are sustainable.
Let me know in the comments if any part of a behind-the-scenes into my mind was helpful you!
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Sophia Hyde is a certified life coach. If you would like help creating sustainable life changes in any area of your life, schedule a complimentary strategy session with Sophia to see if working together may be a good fit for you.
I have found the simplest solution to keeping my house cleaner, alleviating mental load and stress from my plate, and getting out the door easier.
As I shared last week, recently our family had a lot of changes that led to overwhelm, decision fatigue and a heavier mental load for me to carry. I knew this wasn’t sustainable, so I had to find some solutions to lighten my load.
I ran an experiment for the last two weeks that has proven to be wildly successful.
I created a list for everyone in the family for their daily rituals that stays on the fridge. Anything that needs to be done daily in the house is written down, visible for all to see.
Initially I wrote it all down because it was too much for me to carry in my mind. I was regularly forgetting small details. I needed a list to reference to keep me on task in the mornings and evenings.
What I discovered was that by getting it out of my head and onto paper for everyone to see, the whole family was empowered to step up.
Every time my daughter would ask, “Mom, can I play yet?” I could just say “You tell me. Check your list.”
Previously, I would have started drilling through the questions, ”Have you brushed your teeth? Did you pack your bag? Have you filled your water bottle?” Etc.
This solution has also helped alleviate the confusion of my husband’s role. His work schedule is all over the place. About half the time he is here to help, and half the time he’s not. Therefore, he was always looking to me with those same questions, “How can I help? What else needs to be done?”
By making these lists, I am not only keeping myself more organized, but I alleviated stress. There is less on my plate, my house is staying so much cleaner, and we are getting out the door earlier.
I am also going to bed every night with a clean house. Never in my entire adulthood have I been able to manage keeping my house clean daily.
Consistent daily habits is where it is all at, my friends.
Your family’s daily rituals will look different, but I have posted mine here for inspiration.
If you decide to run this experiment too, please post and tag me in your lists. I would absolutely love to see your rituals and hear if it works for you!
Mornings in our house are always an unpredictable hot mess. Not only do I need to get myself ready but there is a toddler and six-year-old. When I finally arrive to my office, I sit down and breathe. I pause for a moment in the peace and quiet because before I ever showed up to work I already ran a marathon.
Moms…you know. No matter how well you pre-plan and
streamline, you never know what meltdown, lost item, pet disaster or diaper
blow out is going to sabotage your efforts to have a calm morning.
With so many uncontrollables in my life, I needed to maximize
the one thing I could control…me. I work with the business community, so I need
to look professional. I do not have time to stand in front of a mirror and
debate on whether this blouse or the other is a better fit for the pencil skirt
or which pair of earrings coordinate the best.
I have mastered getting ready in 15 minutes and making it
appear that I put in more time. Here are my hacks to how I can appear to look
put together when we all know my morning was chaotic:
1. I only buy clothes that don’t need to be ironed
If it has to be ironed, it’s not ever going to be worn, so I might as well not waste my money. I also don’t like spending my discretionary income on dry cleaning. So I only purchase clothes I can wash, air dry and they are ready to go
2. I almost always wear a dress
I can walk to my closet and throw on a dress without having to spend any time laboring over what does and doesn’t match. It’s one decision to make
3. I only buy dresses that can be paired with black or nude heels or flats
I also don’t have the time to labor over which shoes I should wear. So I toss on a dress and look at the floor of my closet and ask myself “Black or nude? Flats or heels?” Done.
4. I get haircuts that are low maintenance.
I have no time for styling. So my hairstylist knows that if I can’t just brush it with my hairdryer brush and be done, I will never wear my hair down
5. I wear my hair in a bun most days
A bun is so easy. It looks professional but requires less than five minutes. I brush out the tangles and then swirl it into a French twist and use four or five bobby pins to secure it for the day
6. Dry shampoo
I wash my hair every 7-10 days. I use dry shampoo to get rid of the oils. When I wash it, I always do so at night so it can air dry while I sleep and not be a big chore in the morning
(Side note on 4, 5 and 6) For my Black mama friends, I recognize those points all applied to this basic white girl. So I did a search to find a working mom blogger who shared her hair tips that are better inspiration than I can give.
7. The same makeup
I LOVE make-up. I have two huge bins of it in my bathroom. But I do not have time to search through all the shades and find that missing lipstick that I know is in there somewhere. My makeup routine is
And a little black eyeshadow on my brows. Yes…I have used pencils. They’re fine. I just find that I grow through them quicker and the eye shadow is a softer look and lasts foreeeeeeeeeever
And I’m done. Well sorta. I still have to get the kids ready,
pack the lunches, feed the pets and all the other things it takes to hit
reverse in the driveway.
By the way…I timed myself this morning (the outfit pictured in this blog post). It was 17 minutes. And that’s because I got interrupted by an almost-two-year-old who decided to throw a tantrum at my feet because…I can’t even remember. That was 13 hours ago. I just remember I was up with him from 11:30pm-1:30am and it was the result of a tired child.
This is motherhood. As much as I would love to sit on my
quiet couch and drink my hot tea and read my book again like I used to enjoy
every morning, I’m not in that season of life right now. And I’m okay with that.
